 |
| "Coral Demon" - by David Palumbo |
It's nice to have mom back, although it wasn't nice to find out within five minutes of picking her up that she's going to drag me along to get Johann-Pierre's oil changed at 9 AM on Thursday.
She's right, though. It's something I need to observe, because when she and padre leave to go overseas, I'll have to handle that - along with a buttload of other things - entirely on my own. I just don't know what I'm going to do to keep myself occupied, since I think it's supposed to take 1-2 hours. Hmm.
I finished mom's Yule/Christmas gift today. It was very refreshing - I haven't touched my paints since... May. My mom's into beachy things (especially Hawaiian beaches), so I painted her a sunset scene from Kailua. Came out pretty nice, in my opinion. I also finished my brother's gift yesterday, although it's very simple and still needs some trimming. Now I just have to wrap them, and I'll be good - though I'm now wondering what I should do for BB, because there's a good chance she'll be joining us on Christmas day. But I never did tell her what I wanted... so I wonder if she'll ask me again before then, or if she'll just show up with something. Oh gosh. That makes me a bit nervous.
Much to my glee, mom also brought back handmade goat milk soap from a little Amish store, as well as handmade peanut butter/chocolate drops. Good stuff. She got me six bars, which I hope will last me a while, because I found that my skin freaking adores goat milk soap. I noticed a difference in skin softness within a few days of using my first bar during the summer. Much better than the harsh chemicals of mass-produced shower gels and whatnot.
On top of that, she got a cute little voodoo doll for each of us, which I find very strange considering they came from Indiana (a very Christian, conservative, and rural state). She got me a "Monkey King" one, which I originally didn't care much for, because I'm not really that fond of monkey-themed things. However, according to the tag, this little guy is meant to "increase creativity and inspire new ideas," and once I read that - and took him out of his package - I began to grow quite fond of him. He now hangs above my monitor with his cute little tail and shorts and headband. Haha.
Somehow, I don't think that's a coincidence, especially since my mom got him at the airport - she said she got there a bit early so she decided to walk around and stumbled upon these little guys, no less. Funny stuff.
It's the simple things, I swear.
I haven't completely mellowed out, although my mind is now fixated on how to address my problem rather than the problem itself. I guess that's a better alternative. It's just... frustrating, because I don't know what it's meant to reflect, or whether I should just bear with it or turn away. In other words, I don't know whether to take an active stance or a passive one. Maybe I should consult my cards. Gotta make use of them.
I didn't have the chance to play the new Kaiser char because it seems MS is having some login/server issues, which are not uncommon with new patches. If they resolve it soon, I probably won't play, though, because by then, all the kids will be coming home, and people from the west coast will be hopping on. I'll just wait till tomorrow morning. Instead, I've been working on Winterspell stuff, although once again, I find myself distracted.
One last thing before I try to focus again: I've been trying to dig around for some good Luciferian blogs, because I wanted to hear the experiences of those who work with Lucifer or other energies that are known to be "dark." I found a few on tumblr, but I was disappointed to find that they were rather... arrogant or snobbish - kind of like many of the Pagans and Wiccans who I've come across. In fact, I found one blog in particular where this person (probably female), claims that she is, almost literally, Lucifer's PA. According to her, her job is to "manage his mail," so to speak, and to tell others when their experiences are invalid. Yes, that's right. I quote:
My role as far as Lucifer is concerned, is simple (to Him). Currently I function as a mediator between fellow Luciferians, and I bridge the gaps between different UPGs, and different facets and aspects of Lucifer to attempt to give myself, and others a cohesive image.
I guide people who want to contact Him, or people who have been contacted by Him, and I ease them into their first, tentative steps on this path as much as I can (or am allowed).
My role does (as all roles do) contain an unpleasant aspect, and I’ve avoided it long enough that Lucifer’s thrown it at me.
I sort out the mail. Yes, that’s right, that’s the unpleasant part.
What does that mean, really?
It means that I meet people who think they have contacted Lucifer, and they have UPG. They want me to validate it for them, whether through knowing what I know of Lucifer, or through god-phoning for Him.
Now, I do give this person some credit, though, because she does admit that she doesn't want to be the one to invalidate someone else's experiences. I mean, I get what she's trying to say here: that people come up to her and ask whether they're contacting the "real" Lucifer. However, I do not sit well with this at all, because despite the encouragement and open-mindedness that this person may emanate, she is still basically saying that she knows the true Lucifer, and has the power to determine whether your experiences are valid. After all, she adds:
I’ll believe you if you say you’re His child, His spouse, His anything, (not if you say you’re His everything, though). I know some of you, not as well as individuals, but by His descriptions of you, and you touch Him as much as He touches your heart.
I’ll believe you if you say you Fell with Him, and you run with Him, and you spar with Him.
I’ll believe you, but only if it’s Him.
That’s my line.
Only if it’s Him.
Hmm. Yeah, I can't resonate with that. I'm only following one Luciferian blog, and it's not hers. Still, I may unfollow said blog because the chick kind of gives off the same vibe. It seems that many Luciferians have the attitude equivalent to many other Pagans: "You don't know this, only we do; we are special; we are outcasts; we stand against the majority."
To be honest, I was a little sickened by some of the experiences I was reading. I understand the fascination people may have with Lucifer - after all, I'm one of them - but these experiences were so... supercilious. It reminded me of this girl from a paranormal forum I used to visit (before SF days) - she was so well-known because she was always chatting about these guides that were supposedly fallen angels, and who were always hanging around her room, on her bed, saving her from various perils. The best part? Her main guide apparently led an "attack" on her home with a number of other fallen angels, but because he "rebelled" and chose to save her, he was "assigned" to watch over her.
And, of course, all of these angels are young men, and they just so happen to be incredibly attractive.
Now, I don't want to hate on these people. I don't want to invalidate their experiences... it's what makes them happy, and I understand that. It's only when people use these experiences to acquire attention when my feathers start to ruffle. I get the feeling, though, that it probably stems from a self-esteem problem. Hell, I can understand that completely. It seems the majority of us "spiritual folks" have all suffered from this at one point. Many of us still do. We've lived in the shadows our whole lives, and when the time comes when we experience something wonderful, or something we're good at, we want to share it with the world. We want to hear and feel the praise and acceptance we've chased our whole lives.
Before I trot off toward productivity... I've been feeling intensely creative lately. And by that, I mean there's so much I want to do. I'm getting all these cool ideas of things to get involved with, things to try, things to create and write about... I wonder if that has anything to do with the energies associated with 12/12/12. It's a bit overwhelming, but I suppose the most important things will stand out the most.
Off I go.
No comments:
Post a Comment