Artist Troubles

by satanarchist @ deviantART

Not an entirely relevant topic, but it does have a significant impact on my life, so I'm writing about it here. Feel free to ignore this one if you'd like. 

Feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.

A while back I had this whole spiel about pen names/artist names/pseudonyms and how I would establish myself as an artist in this world. Well... as I was getting myself organized with a new art blog, I was beginning to have second thoughts about my "identity." P.R. was always first and foremost a pen name for me. So sitting here with a blog utilizing P.R. as an artist name... well, it has me feeling hesitant.

Okay. I should back up. A little while ago, I was trying to create myself a new gmail account for this new art blog, but Google kept prompting me to give them a phone number for verification, which I did not want to do (I think it's because I have two Google accounts already), so I went and made another hotmail account under the P.R. name. Because it's hotmail, and not a Google account, I couldn't make another blogspot, so I decided to run with WordPress after some research (whether artists tend to utilize WordPress). 

I picked up some helpful tips on how to gain exposure as an artist, and after creating that WordPress blog, I began sprucing it up, and got to the "About" page before I realized: 

Holy crap. Should I really be using P.R. as an artist name?  

It was definitely a question that stopped me in my tracks. I kept rereading what I had written about myself, and then contemplating how this would all work out in the future. After all, I'm an illustration student, and there may be a chance I work "professionally" for a certain period of time (although I like to think this won't happen). If this is the case, wouldn't it be more professional to use my real name?

This is a huge deal to me. I always went with P.R. up until now because I was/am a student. My technical work is average - maybe a step above decent. So it didn't bother me that I used an artist name, because I didn't have anything spectacular to show. I was just a student trying to improve her skill.

But now... I'm almost halfway done with my schooling, and even if I am successful enough with my own ambitions so that I don't have to take on a "professional" job as an illustrator, there's still the matter of identity - or presentation - to consider. I wondered first if acquiring a pseudonym as an artist was a wise thing to do in terms of copyright and whatnot. Unfortunately, a lot of that is over my head, which means I have a lot of reading to do. 

Ugh. I have too much to say about this. My thoughts are all over the place. I've been doing quite a bit of research today on copyright, art thievery, pseudonyms/pen names, how to gain exposure, and so on... it's all very complicated and part of me just wants to give up, to throw in the towel and say "Screw it, I'll just spend the rest of my life as a slave like everyone else."

I've been doing a lot of comparing, seeing how artists put their work out there. I've seen plenty of artists posting artwork relating to a novel (or series of novels) they haven't even published yet, which makes me very nervous - and it isn't even my own work. It's a bit frightening to think of the millions of people who prowl the internet each day, stealing ideas from others to use for their own gain. Of course, it wouldn't be such a big deal if we were all respectful of each other's ideas (and didn't have to pay bills). But unfortunately, society hasn't changed yet in that area, so I will continue to guard my precious work until I know for certain it's copyrighted.

That's why I was agonizing over the idea of having a blog to begin with. But then, I look at all the well-known artists who post their work without a moment's hesitation, because that's how they gain exposure. You need people to see your work if you expect support. I can't be a "successful" artist without people knowing about what I do.

That still brings me back to the whole thing about identity, though. I could just make this really easy and use my real name for everything, but that would make me unhappy. Sure, I could use it for my "professional" work; however, what qualifies as "professional"? If I do end up freelancing or working for a company of some sort, I'm going to need a portfolio, and if I'm working under a pseudonym, will that lead to confusion? Will I even be hired? I can't run a blog/website under a pseudonym and then use the same works for a professional portfolio using my real name/identity. I feel like that would cause a lot of trouble.

So now I'm at a loss. There are plenty of artists out there who draw for the sake of drawing under cute, silly, serious, wacky usernames. But what happens when it comes to professional work? Do they still use those names, or do they switch to their real name? Do they hide behind a pseudonym?

Unless something changes, P.R. will still remain my pen name. I will let people assume I am male; that means nothing to me. But as far as art is concerned... I'm struggling, here. It's not uncommon for artists to take on several pseudonyms as means of preventing confusion amongst fans (e.g. one name for watercolor painting and another for classical portraiture). So what does that mean for me? As an artist, my interests are varied. My primary interest lies in creating art for the stories I write, but I don't want to disclose too much information about those worlds until they're actually published.

In fact, I was reading about that today, too. If I do post any artwork relating to stories I want published, I have to be very careful about what I post, because that may interfere with my ability to get published, assuming I go the traditional route and not the self-publishing route (although I'm leaning toward the latter only so I don't get screwed over). 

Damn it. So what do I post? Should I even share my art at all? Do I take on different pseudonyms like I would prefer, or do I just go the "professional" route and use my real name? 

I need exposure if I'm going to fulfill my ambitions. But because of my varied interests and goals, the matter of "identity" poses as a pretty big problem. My parents will expect me to commit to a job as an illustrator of sorts, and will therefore expect me to use my real name. 

Aghhh. I don't know. This would be much easier if I was just a writer, because then it'd be easy: one pen name. But nope. Aspiring author, spirit artist, spiritual blogger, potential professional illustrator, and passionate artist of varied forms all in one. 

Maybe answers for this will come later... hm.