Song of Solitude

by Rassouli

I've been feeling restless these past few nights. I keep waking up numerous times throughout the early morning hours - sometimes I even wake up hot, despite often feeling cold in bed. These past couple of mornings, I've gotten up at 7:30, as opposed to my usual 8-8:30 wake schedule. 

I wonder if it has anything to do with all these odd energies in the air. I guess it's to be expected, what with it being the 21st in two days. 

I've been feeling a bit restless in other areas, too, but it's all stuff that's been on my mind for many weeks. My dad ruffled my feathers a short while ago; I made the mistake of showing him mom's gift painting and saying, "Everyone has a gift but you."

He replied, "Your gift to me is to stay in school."

I kind of scoffed at him, said something I already forgot, and then added, "I don't care what you think," to which he responded, "Yes you do. You think you don't, but you do."

Technically, he's right, but the part of me that does care what he thinks is the part of me dominated by fear - the "ego" maybe (assuming that ego is not truly "us")? The part of me that doesn't want him to know what I truly want to do... the part of me that fears disappointing him. The greater whole of my being, however, truly does not care what he - or anyone else - thinks. I may be following "his" path for me, but only temporarily.

Gotta love parents.

Spent my morning playing with Kaiser, but I think I'll be spending a good majority of my day working on Winterspell, because I really want to get a lot done with it during my break. I realized yesterday that I only have two and a half more weeks before I return to school, so I want to make the most of it.

This also means that I probably won't get around to that batch of aura/energy readings I wanted to try. Hell, I can't even bring myself to finish the last 5 card readings I owe. It might have to do with the amount of typing that comes with the 12+ spreads. It gets really draining, and I've already done 15 readings for this batch... I might have to disappoint those five, unless the motivation returns within the next week or two. I'll have to see.

The dream I recalled this morning was brief and insignificant - it was based on MS. I wrote it down in the Burrow, but there's not much to glean from it. I'm just glad I wasn't at school or another grocery store again... 

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my Sacred Days of Light spread - a card spread I discovered based on Yule where you pick a corresponding card for each day from tomorrow, the 20th, to the 31st. Each day has its own theme. I'm trying to decide which deck I want to use, or if I should mix them up. I was going to go with Gita since the spread is guidance-based, but I'm thinking I should use the BoS, since it is a Pagan/Wiccan-themed spread. We'll see. But the point of this spread is to help you introduce more light into your life, specifically for the new year. I thought it was fitting.

And whoa. Just as I typed that last bit, I got a high-pitch frequency in my left ear. Higher than normal... hm. 

Hoping for a day of flowing inspiration.