Goddess of the Soul

by escume @ deviantART

Woke up to a bird alarm at my window this morning. It woke me at precisely 8:00. I'm impressed.

I drew a Mythic Oracle card today to see what energy of the Greek pantheon best represented the rest of this week, and was a little surprised by the result: Psyche, who represents sacred union. This card oozes tender love, because Eros is depicted with her, kissing her forehead. I'm not sure what to make of this unless this is a card focusing on self-love. I'd be interested to see what kind of signs and experiences come about during these next few days.

I just find this interesting because I was just reading Lulu's recent post, where she spoke of her companion in spirit, Ben. Of course, it got me thinking back to Shiva/Spike, which is funny, because I was lying in bed the other night reminiscing about the meditations I used to have in his presence... listening to his music and spending time in my "astral home," watching him with a book in his lap. 

I've been somewhat expecting the whole guide thing to come back, but it hasn't yet. I do miss "the boys." I just... I don't know. It's hard to connect with "separation." I used to feel so passionate about Spike, and now, it feels so empty. It's not something I need, obviously. It's an old vibrational system. But it does make me wonder if an attraction to separation will return. 

Speaking of guides, yesterday's livestream session was interesting, but I'll save that for my art blog. 

In other news, I'm going shopping with my mom today. It's something that's been long overdue, because I need warm clothes. Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship. I love it because I love acquiring new clothes and fashions, but I hate it because I always have to keep money in mind. This makes me unwilling to go shopping at all. I'm hoping to find some decent stuff, though. 

I've also caught myself up on series 5 of Merlin. Can I just say one thing? JESUS CHRIST. I watched all the way up through the 9th episode, which I believe catches me up with folks in the UK. And maaaaan. So many feels. I'm not sure my heart can take much more of this. Gwen's role in this series was wonderfully irritating; to be honest, I don't like her as queen. Hahaha. I mean, she's a sweetheart and everything (when she's not controlled by Morgana), but I liked her better as a servant. Also - MORDRED. Sometimes I want to punch him in the face, and sometimes I want to cuddle him. Agh.

I should also mention that I'm very impressed by Colin's acting. I love Bradley's performance, too, but Colin really nails it. When I watch film/TV, my attention is fixed to the eyes. The eyes and the physical gestures... but mainly eyes, because they're so revealing. Colin really has embraced his character, even down to the tiniest movements and glances. I freaking adored his performance as the old woman/sorceress in episode nine. 

Anyway. Daily life aside, I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself and my future (I know, I know, bad Evaah...) That whole destiny number thing really opened my eyes, while simultaneously answering questions I've had for many months. While everyone knows me first and foremost as a visual artist, I'm actually being pushed and inspired more in the area of writing... both fiction and non-fiction (spirituality). I mentioned before that I was feeling iffy about art because of the pressure I feel to turn it into a career of sorts, but I realize part of that feeling stems from art being a secondary passion. 

When I'm gathering inspiration, it's for my writing. Rarely - if ever - is it for my art. Plus, my art as of late revolves around faces... portraits. Not counting schoolwork, of course. I just don't feel as motivated to work on my art. I feel the motivation for my writing, but when I think about art and having to learn anatomy, perspective, and all the things that make for good illustration, I feel a tug of resistance. I see it as work.

Of course, I did say that I would no longer see such things as "work." What I mean here is that compared to writing, art feels more like a chore. I don't feel like it's actually "me" or what I'm meant to be doing. I'm reminded of Tri's life purpose reading from a few months back. Should I remind myself which cards came up, and in what order?

1. Books
2. Flowers
3. Spiritual Teacher
4. Bodywork
5. Support
6. Talk to Your Angels

Very little about art. Creativity, yes. Creative inspiration (Flowers). I honestly don't think it's coincidence that the first three cards are based around writing, inspiring others, and spiritual teaching. It's something I've known at the root of my being for a while now. 

I can't picture myself in the future. I can imagine where I'd like to be, but it's hard to see myself there. Even though I'm still trying to work out this whole idea of manifestation, I'm still doing everything in my power as Creator to draw my ideal future to me. 

I'm not saying I'm going to give up on art. I'm sure art will help me on my path. I'm just saying that it's probably not going to be my main area of focus. It'll still be a passion, though.

There's a lot of thinking that needs to be done on this. A lot of research I need to do. But all in good time... for now, I'm going to enjoy a day of shopping with my mom, after which I will do whatever it is I feel like doing. I'm due to receive my Archeon deck today, so maybe I'll do the reading I owe someone on FB.

Evaah