That Didn't Last Long

"Firebrand" by Kimberley Petrie

So yesterday I sat down with Threnody and inched my way through about 800 words before I realized there was no way in hell I was going to reach 50,000 when I didn't know what the crap I was talking about. 

I just have a really hard time trying to write a story without any information. I mean, even though Nanowrimo is about quantity, not quality, I still want the story to be kind of complete plot and world-wise, so it does me no good to just BS my way through, writing whatever comes to mind. 

So I'm putting aside Threnody to work on in the future and falling back on Crucible, which is my biggest, dearest, most thoroughly thought-out project I have. I started it when I was sixteen, and it's changed quite a bit over the last three years - it was basically evolving with me. Essentially, it still has the same themes, but after working on it on-and-off for the past few years, I still haven't found the best way to tell such a story. I see that as a good thing, because it means whenever I do finish this story, it'll be fabulous. It'll have an impact or make a difference. It might not be as big as Harry Potter or - cringe - Twilight, but at least I'll be happy knowing that I took the time to make it as perfect as possible, rather than rushing through it just for the sake of making a profit. 

Which leads me to wonder... how many authors today spend years on their work? I'm not much of a reader - not because I dislike reading, but because I'm usually doing other things - so I don't keep on top of what authors do in today's day and age. J.K. Rowling spent five years working on Harry Potter. But she had technically already been writing for the majority of her life, so she had the experience. Tolkien spent over ten years working on Lord of the Rings, although I understand he had been world-building for about thirty years. However, these two were writing before the "extreme digital age," where it wasn't as easy to get published. 

I guess I should do a bit of research on this. I understand self-publishing is a big thing now, so because of that, I would imagine people don't spend as much time turning their projects into something seriously beautiful. 

I want my projects to be quality ones. When I was younger, I was fixated on "publishing young" and publishing fast. I wanted my work out there ASAP, but of course I never got anywhere because I didn't put much thought into what I was actually writing. I assumed I could just write and that it would all come to me.

Good writing requires effort. It requires research, hours upon hours of note-taking and contemplation. It requires countless drafts and the willingness to scrap things that don't work, despite possibly having an attachment to them. It requires work. Do you need to write well to become a best-seller? Of course not. Twilight is a perfect example of that. I'll give Meyer a break, though - I don't enjoy bashing the work of others. 

So yeah. Crucible seems to be the project I need to focus on right now, so that's what I'll stick with for Nano. I'm trying to get as much writing in as possible this weekend because I know my weekdays won't allow me to write as much...

In other news, I did a sun meditation today. I didn't actually go outside, because it was a bit chilly, but in autumn/winter, the sun floods my room, so I sat and basked in it. Took in its healing light for several minutes. Then, I moved out of the sun, kept my eyes closed, and experieced this weird "shift" where my inner eye was flooded with violet/lavender (compliment of yellow), and I felt like I was receding into myself. It was weird, but cool. So I focused on this sensation of being "inside my mind." Might do this daily if I can, because I could use the sunlight. 

My card readings are coming along. Psychic Tarot is probably the easiest one to use for most requests because it can pretty much apply to anything, and offers a bit more specific detail than my other decks. Gita is really meant only for wisdom/guidance, and Mythic Oracle tends to be really general, so I might need to start focusing on the energies of these deities and figures to see what they have to say. Same with Fallen Angels, because I've noticed that the few readings I gave with this deck - well, people weren't resonating as much with the information. I suppose I just need more practice to get accustomed to the cards.

Eight more days of class. Holy crap.

Evaah