Clio

by Emilie Leger

Dream theme was centered around our upcoming Thanksgiving trip, although there was this certain "odd" element to it that I can't remember. Hm. Like something out of place, or eerie. Eh. Oh well.

After doing another reading, I once again spent the whole day yesterday playing Sims. I've been kind of hooked on the little vamp dude I've been playing. He has a bunch of vamp kids now, and a witch for a wife... they live in this really cool creepy manor in Moonlight Falls. Hahaha.  But like with all things, I assume there's a reason why I feel so driven to play Sims now. In some ways it feels like I'm buying time... or maybe I should be observing what it is I'm doing.

I was in bed last night thinking about "experience" and the future and whatnot. It made me realize that I rarely - if ever - put my full attention and awareness into any experience. Of course, there are the moments I enjoy, but even still, I don't sit and make the conscious realization of how amazing it is to be able to have this kind of limited physical experience to begin with. And what was an even worse realization was that of knowing how often I try to avoid certain experiences. If I have no choice but to experience them, it's with a heavy heart, or fear, or irritation. 

I know I'm not the only one. We seek that which is comfortable, so naturally, we like to avoid the uncomfortable experiences if we can anticipate them. Has this always been so, since the dawn of time? Or were we grateful that we got to experience death, or pain, or some kind of loss? 

It's definitely a powerful concept that can seriously change one's life if applied. That would be the ultimate life lived - you would truly be fearless, for you would deliberately seek that which makes you uncomfortable, and accept it as a beautiful experience which then makes you not only more powerful, but more aware of yourself as the universe. It's a lovely thing to think about. 

Granted, I'm still wondering about the whole manifestation thing. It makes me wonder if... ooh. Oh, whoa. I had a piece click into place there. I was thinking about gratitude. Remember back when I was playing with manifestation and I said gratitude might have a role to play in it? I'm beginning to see why, and I'm also beginning to see a connection with experience. Gratitude.. what's the point of being thankful? What do we earn out of feeling gratitude for something or someone? If we, as manifested pieces of Adonai, feel gratitude.. is that an extension of universal consciousness? Maybe gratitude, like love, is a permanent state of being for our true nature. I mean, if you were as powerful and infinite as the freaking universe, wouldn't you be grateful for your existence? I feel like love and gratitude are intertwined, because gratitude implies humility, and humility is something born out of compassion and respect. 

Hmm. Certainly some interesting thoughts there. Maybe, it's through feeling gratitude that we are still able to manifest our desires, despite life not being about "purpose." We can still be a force with intent - it's just that that intent would be wanting to experience. And it's through manifesting as billions of faces with billions of stories that we get to live through billions of different experiences. 

So now the big question still is: does pre-programming still apply? I think it still could. Think about it: even if Adonai has an "Earth story" already written out, it's not affecting our idea of experience. Adonai already knows it's limiting itself. We don't know the truth on Earth, so it wouldn't be a problem. We technically could have our own stories already written, but because of our limited state, we perceive it all as free will, spontaneity --

Whoa. Another thought. Spontaneity? Isn't that perception? Spontaneity is just as much a judgment/perception as anything else... So what if spontaneity is an ILLUSION? It's an illusion because we're limited, and we don't see the bigger picture. We sit here and think we're being spontaneous by going out clubbing instead of sitting home again for another lonely night, but is it spontaneous at all? It's probably pre-scripted and we're not even aware of it. Which makes you wonder - where do our impulses come from? Where do our decisions come from? What makes us decide: "I'm going to go out clubbing today"? Free will? Or is it pre-scripting? 

I can't hope to over-stand this while in this limiting skin, but we all know time doesn't actually exist at our natural level, right? Which means as Adonai, we know the past, present, and future as one singular "time." This means that Adonai already knows how the "story" ends. It used a metaphor for me a while back. It was putting the idea of "no time" in perspective by saying one could view Earth like a storybook. If a story sits on your bookshelf, you can access it whenever you want to. You can open it up and read the beginning, the middle, and the end as many times as you want without altering the story. That's right - the story never changes. BUT, your perspective may change, or you may read something that you missed the first few times. I doubt the latter applies to Adonai though. Lol.

You know why I feel so strongly about this? Not just because it's been brought to my attention - introduced to my path. It's because simultaneously, I'm being shown the interconnectedness of all things, and somehow, I don't think it's coincidence that Earth has what it has. Think about it: why do you think story is such a powerful tool for us? Why do we have stories in so many forms? Why do we have symbolism and metaphors? To help tell those stories! We're so fixated on stories. We tell them, we act them out, we paint them, we sing, we gossip about our own experiences, we try to tell our own stories rather than the ones other people project onto us. 

By nature, it seems, we are storytellers. It's rooted into us! But we can't tell stories if we don't have experiences to share - fictional or otherwise. Stories can't be told without experiences. The two go hand-in-hand!

So does it really matter if Adonai already knows the story? Of course not! Because it's experiencing its story firsthand through us. Through limiting skins. And that changes the perspective of the story drastically! Adonai is seeing all the things it missed... all the different perspectives... through us. As the author, it knows everything possible about the story in its purest form. But now, it's experiencing the story from the perspective of its characters, who are not only of its own making, but who contain their own perspectives in a limited, defined world.

This is how Adonai is "expressing" itself. This is how Adonai is "experiencing" itself... by living through the stories it's created on countless worlds. 

And this is also why everything we know is set in stone. We don't have free will. We don't have spontaneous natures. We don't "change our minds" on accident. Nothing is ever an accident, just like nothing is ever a coincidence. It's all defined already. But it's not a painful thought to me at all. In fact, being an artist/writer... it all makes sense to me. Characters in a book don't think they're being controlled. They don't think their lives have already been shaped - but the author still plans out every detail, ensuring that the story is fabulous, ensuring that the characters are well-defined with each of their backstories and personalities and identities. 

But because their lives have already been shaped, they know which direction to go in. So they progress, believing in the illusion of free will, because they're unaware that the force pulling them in a specific direction is the future that's already been written. 

At least now I understand why I've been so into Sims these past few days. I mean, I actually got a little bored playing it while in school - and I hadn't even done everything. But all of a sudden, I feel inclined to play... and what do you do when you play Sims? YOU TELL STORIES. Regardless of whether you're aware of it, you're telling stories through your Sims' lives. Each action you have them do is telling a story... just like my witch Sim, Rowena, when she was having a midlife crisis yesterday. She wanted to divorce her husband, Elliot, and even though I sat there, pondered it, and thought about how cool of a "plot twist" that would be, I deliberately chose for her to stay with him, because I wasn't done with her yet. 

And I'm sure it's not by chance or free will that all of this is coming together, either.

Now off to do a reading before playing with Elliot and Rowena. Hahaha.

Evaah