Regression

"Plume" - by thienbao @ deviantART

Lucifer is bombarding me.
I feel like his name was just set on repeat in my head all night long, and then I get up and see all these Lucifer references as I go through my usual routine.

But not only that - I stumble upon this one illustration on tumblr that kind of stops me in my tracks for a moment: a man standing with a tame black dragon.

I feel like... I'm regressing. Lately, things have been pushing me toward my past, and I'm not sure why. Pierre has been most prominent, and then for one reason or another, Spike was referenced too. I just keep thinking back to everything that happened over the past two and a half years, like someone's pointing me in that direction. I'm not sure if I want to go down that road, though, because what would be the point? Everyone always emphasizes how important it is not to live in the past (or the future, for that matter), so why would I be nudged that way? So I can find more "answers"? 

I do want answers. But what frustrates me is that I already have most of them (I would still like to know why "Spike" was revealed to be "Shiva"). I keep thinking: "Why did all that happen?" Everything with Eron, with Pierre and Spike and Shiva, with Lulu, and so on... but the answer is obvious: to get me where I am today. If one of those events didn't happen, I would not be at the moment I am right now. Every little thing lined up the way it did to bring me to the present. 

Now the big question is: did I attract that, or was that part of the pre-programming? 

I'm going to compare my view with Lulu's for a moment (Lulu, love, don't feel the need to defend yourself, haha)... Lulu doesn't resonate with "pre-programming." I can understand that. But the thing is, if it's not pre-programmed to some degree, then what is it? All created by us? Did I, at some point, decide I would attract a dream of Eron? Did I decide, at some point, to attract Pierre or a guide who was a "SC" and a Hindu deity in disguise? 

I just realized something here. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be trying to "figure things out." That's just my nature. I like to explore. This only emphasizes the lack of ultimate truth. When I consider that, it makes some aspects of spirituality seem completely pointless (notice I say SOME aspects, meaning the ones where you sit around and contemplate life). For however long, I'm going to be finding answers that resonate with me at a specific time. 

Now contemplate that for a second. If my truth is changing, that suggests my vibration is changing. My vibration represents this particular face of myself and all the characteristics associated with it. If my vibration is changing, it's most likely getting higher. My vibration changes depending on decisions that I make. If I choose to feel happy, it increases. If I choose to follow a path of love and peace, it increases. 

You know what's been slammed in my face several times, along with Lucifer? One short but powerful phrase: "everything is connected."

Okay, but what does that mean exactly? Yeah, I already get that everything is connected, but to what degree? Universally? Yes, that's what I think, too. But that doesn't explain HOW. 

This is where I use nature as an example. I was thinking about this yesterday, because I realized how appropriate it was for people to get dry skin in autumn/winter (representing "shedding baggage"). Nature does what it does. It's been like this for billions of years. Everything is perfect and pristine with nature. Four seasons. Storms to clear out leaves in autumn, bees to pollinate flowers in spring, a food chain that keeps everything in balance, and so forth. Nature is the perfect example of balance, not counting human interference. Things are stable for a while, and then change is brought in to keep things evolving. Storms wipe out a coastline. Volcanoes erupt. Et cetera. 

But at the same time, everything comes in cycles, yet everything always returns to the beginning before starting anew. Being part of nature, would the same apply to us? It's funny, because several weeks ago, I said that I didn't resonate with the idea of coming full circle, but would be open to the idea. Now, I'm beginning to open to the idea, because I'm beginning to see all the details. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm regressing - so I can observe such details. 

Now, this whole bloody ghost thing. Okay. I get it. I don't have experience in this area, so I obviously can't relate. Luci is probing my brains with this one though, because he's referring to the "universal force" theory I have yet to elaborate on at VotS, and also referring to Cas from Supernatural, who says in an episode:

"Pardon me, but I have spent the last 'year' as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent."

That's almost exactly how Luci describes the forces we know as deities, gods, goddesses, spirits, angels, and demons. Energy with intent. So is he suggesting that ghosts fall under the same category? I mean, when I think about it, it makes sense. Ghosts... manifestations with intent. They usually have a 'reason' for sticking around. What's interesting is that the word "ghost" comes from Germanic roots meaning "fury, anger." In popular culture, "angry ghosts" are fairly common. And when you consider the history of ghosts throughout the ages, it's kind of fascinating:

• Egyptians believed they were able to inflict misfortune and illness on the living
• Early Greeks merely saw them as vaporous - and that they could give advice/prophecy; later, however, they were seen as frightening and both good/evil
• Romans believed ghosts could exact revenge on enemies
• In medieval Europe, ghosts were either souls of the dead or demons (figures); the former were believed to be in purgatory to atone for certain sins
• Renaissance/Romanticism era led to certain beliefs such as ghosts stemming from the grief of the living

What I find interesting is that throughout most of history, ghosts were seen as evil, violent, or in distress. Somehow, I'm not surprised. But you know, I can only speak for myself. Since this post is getting long, I'll just elaborate on it on VotS. Plus, at this point, I just feel like I'm trying to prove someone wrong, and I don't want that.

I have a lovely, relaxing Sunday to enjoy now.

Evaah