The Final Step

"Rogue" - @ seageart.com

Took a couple more steps in this process - namely creating my pros and cons list, and jotting down what I want to manifest. And whoa. Just now, I got a weird pressure shift in my ear and some tingles at the back of my head. Never felt that before. 

Some of my pros:

•  No wasted time/money
• HAPPINESS
• Fulfilling heart's desires
• Helping others
• Living simply
• Working more independently
• More time to do what I truly want to do
• No $100k debt
• Working with people I resonate with
• Working with natural gifts
• Being "social" in a way perfect for me
• More freedom

Some of my cons:

• No "secure," reliable job with "steady" income
• No degree - not that I need one, really
• No "formal" art education
• Not as much "real world" art experience
• Stress & intense deadlines
• Unhappiness
• Less time for personal work
• Not following heart's desires
• Working with unfavorable people
• Wasted money (lots of debt)

And some of my path's goals:

• To become a spiritual teacher/to help others on their paths
• To make a living doing spiritual work, producing art, and writing novels
• To create a variety of artwork and crafts to sell
• To have enough money to live comfortably
• To be surrounded by high-vibe friends
• To become a skilled (semi) self-taught artist and writer
• To live in a beautiful, sunny home... bohemian-style with lots of cultural and spiritual decor and a private garden
• To work at a fitting spiritual center
• To help others develop their gifts

So yeah. I don't see how that's unrealistic. And I think - depending on the time - I can focus on a few areas at once, so I don't spread myself too thinly. This lifestyle will help me live in the present. And what would be even cooler is if I had a roommate who aligned with my vibration and interests (like Lulu... dang it). That way, there would be less pressure to manage expenses, and we could even do some artsy/spiritual work together. 

Man, I am SO attracting that. We could live in a beautiful bohemian-styled house where the rooms look like the one pictured at right, and create awesome artwork and crafts to sell, and watch stars from the backyard. We'd eat well and do yoga and and live in abundance with enough money for ourselves and a little extra to donate. Perhaps we'd even have a little tag-team reading business.

Ugh. I would so prefer that life over the one I'm moving toward now. But what's funny is that in the back of my mind, I'm still working toward my dream life. Before, I was thinking: "Okay, I'll go to school to please my parents, but afterward, I'm so doing my own thing." It was only recently that I realized it was pointless - a waste of time and energy.

I'm trying to figure out why I'm afraid of talking to my parents. Is it disapproval? Rejection? Lack of understanding? Probably a mix of all three. Of course, overall, I don't really give a rat's arse what they think about my life, but my ego-based self is terrified. I was just downstairs eating with them and I couldn't bring it up. I mean, it's not like they can prohibit me from pursuing my heart's desires. They wouldn't do it, either. They respect my decisions. So why am I so afraid?

Pah. I need to talk to my brother about this. He might know how to get them to understand... but as far as I'm concerned, talking to my parents is my last big step before truly manifesting my ideal life.

Finny x