A Moment of Sensitivity

"Yemanja" by Patricia Ariel

Feeling a bit hurt/sensitive at the moment, because I just talked to my mom about this whole school thing. I didn't get overly specific with the details; she just knows that I'm not interested in school and that I want to pursue something "spiritual."

Close to tears, though, because she just made me feel even more like an outcast in this family. It hurt to hear her say that my brother tells her everything about himself, because it's clear she prefers that aspect of him over my private nature. Privacy may be part of my personality, but it's kinda obvious why I can't go and spill everything that's happening in my life. She would either not believe me, belittle me, or mourn for me because I'm wandering down the "wrong path." In fact, she was belittling/mocking my interests in this conversation. Her tone was so obviously sarcastic (or disapproving), and she asked me, "So, what? Are you just going to sit and meditate all day?" 

And she wonders why I've kept my mouth shut around her and padre. 

Other than that, though, I can tell she's not really in support of my decision, because she wants me to be able to take care of myself when she and padre live overseas. But she did bring up a good point about my padre: that he'll work his butt off to help you with something you're passionate about. I'm hoping... that he might understand more than my mom. Padre may be rational and practical, but he's a lot more open-minded than my mom, whose views are limited to what she's comfortable with (comforts associated with her religious beliefs). And while he may not believe in "spiritual stuff," if he knows that it's something I'm passionate about, he may be willing to help me acquire my happiness. 

Plus I intend on bribing him. Lol. 

So yeah. Feeling a little gloomy, because I was hoping for my mom to understand, but to be honest, she's not the best person to talk to about such things. I kinda anticipated that, though. 

I've had two garage fails in the past two days. Then again, I've had a lot on my mind. So I'm not sure whether this affects our creative energy... will have to keep experimenting. I also came up with a cute "spell" for Johann-Pierre's "invisibility":

"By the power of three,

It is my decree,

the cloak of invisibility 

be cast around Johann-Pierre

to keep him under tender care."

Not too bad, huh? At least for someone who has no experience in that area. The first three lines came immediately to me. I just had to think of a fitting word that rhymed with "Pierre." Lol. I might actually make up some more for other things, although it'll only be semi-magic (according to Wicca/Paganism, at least). To me, it's still pure magic. I'll use my crystals for support and manifest my ideal life, dang it.

Man. I really hope my dad gives me some support. 

Thank goodness it's the weekend.

Finny x