Nacht

"Leliel" - by Peter Mohrbacher

Feeling inclined to explore the darker side of life. You can only learn/experience so much from the light and fluffy, and I feel like I'm in control enough to see what darkness is really about. My gut says that it's something that's been seriously misunderstood, and I believe most - if not all - of the "nasty" stuff is the result of fear. True dark energy is just as powerful and necessary as light energy... without the balance, we would either have no evolution whatsoever, or all chaos. 
I also think that an over-standing or exploration in darkness can help me to better embrace change and fear. I still do have a few fears to face.

Funny that I'm more drawn to the idea of "demons" than angels. But I don't see "demons" (god I hate this term... does anyone have a better one?) as entities who want to possess or curse or harm you. Instead, I see them as energies or personified forces that exist to help encourage change. I think that may be why they're associated with possession, curses, harm, and destruction.. because people wanted to blame something for the changes they were experiencing: natural disasters, break-ups, disease, death, nightmares, war, etc. And by then, Christianity was probably in full swing, so of course from this stems sins, and "demons" who tempt you to sin, and so on. Kind of sad, in my opinion. 

I like the darkness. I mean, I love light, but to me, darkness is mysterious, quiet, and beautiful... not to mention deeply misunderstood. It's an awesome feeling to sit in my bedroom at night and just experience the void... (hey, that would make a good meditation..)

In other news, I'm beginning to realize that one of the biggest keys to manifestation is feeling. I had a garage fail today, and I realized that I wasn't too passionate when I made the demand last night/this morning. So I think the key is to really put yourself in the moment, as if you have already manifested your desire, and to feel the emotions associated with it - not to make halfhearted demands. Will test this for the remaining three weeks. 

I decided to go to P&D on Saturday, since I have to go see a film for my storyboarding class (Argo). I hope they have some good statuary out. But I'm going to splurge a little bit.. see if I can find a good Shiva statue, a black dragon for Pierre, maybe some tapestries (if they have any good ones) or oracle decks. We'll see. I haven't been there since March and I understand they moved some stuff around, so maybe I'll find something new. 

I registered for winter quarter classes today. Two illustration classes and 20th century art course. I'm not much of a 20th century art person, but I'm sure it'll be interesting... somewhat. I'm also going to start working on thumbnails for the children's bedtime story my dad and I are working on. I feel a lot more confident after some related classes. 

Having second thoughts (again) about turning VotS into a book. I thought it might be a good idea, but then I realized: what would be the point? Just to make a little extra money? I could do the same thing by monetizing the blog (then again, since I share this account with Lulu, that probably wouldn't work out)... it wouldn't be as much, but it'd essentially be the same thing. When it comes to spiritual information like that, I'm not sure if it's wise/ethical to charge for it. I know a handful of other people do, but it reminds me of The Book of Earth. For those who don't know, The Book of Earth is a series of channeled messages (channeled by Asta Tuominen) that served as the foundation for my truth. I stumbled upon it on SF a long time ago because Asta was an active member there, and was hooked, because I resonated with 99.5% of the material. I had never resonated so well with someone else's channeled material before. And what was more surprising was that the BOE was channeled from Elohim - not some entity or group of entities with a stylish name (no offense to those entities, of course). What I read in the BOE was basically what I imagined my idea of Creator/Source to sound like. It was really refreshing. But the point with this is that Asta tried to send the BOE to publishers, had it rejected, and realized that she preferred just to have it available for free.

So yeah. Maybe it's not a great idea to turn VotS into a book. I don't want to charge for information that should be generally available - especially when I can expect income from other sources. 

Time to watch the new episode of Supernatural.
My oracle cards come in tomorrow - I'm excited to start using them.

Finny