Seeking Answers

"Shaman Light" - by Amanda Clark

I've been lazy all day. And mopey. Almost burst into tears when eating just a few minutes ago because my dad passed by and said: "Try to look more enthusiastic. Life is good." I told him, "That's ironic," to which he replied: "Ironic or moronic?"

"Both," I said. 

I did have a highlight, though... aside from curling up with episodes of Supernatural. My brother's early Yule gift to me arrived today. The new version of Pokemon. ...Yes, I'm a Pokemon gal. Grew up with it, so it's dear to my heart. 

I did a more comprehensive reading for myself using my self-made cosmic oracle deck. Celtic spread. Asked if it's in my best interest to ditch school and follow my heart.

Present:
Wheel of Vision. A focus on the third eye region and its related gifts. Inner sight, self-reflection, looking within. This is fairly accurate, since I've been doing some soul-searching regarding this matter. Visualizing and whatnot.

Immediate Challenge:
The Golden Wings. Seeing from a higher perspective, or soaring spiritually. This makes sense, too. The former is more applicable to this scenario - I can see why it may be a challenge to view things from a higher perspective. I'll have to figure out what the pros and cons of my decision will be and so on. 

Distant Past: (6 mo. +)
Art of Logic. Hahaha. This is SO true. This is referring to my initial decision to attend art school. It was quite simply a decision based on practicality, realism, and logic. "What's the most logical choice?" School, of course. I had a skill I wanted to improve, and I wasn't quite ready to hop right into the working industry, so school it was.

Recent Past: (3 mo. +)
The Star Keeper. This pertains to ambitions, goals, and dreams of the heart. Also quite accurate, since this is around the time when everything started changing, and I felt more inclined than ever to follow my dreams and ditch my old path. 

Best Outcome:
Divine Feminine. I found this interesting. But what does the divine feminine entail? Creation. Creativity/fertility. Emotion. So this is a positive sign.

Immediate Future:
Wheel of Empowerment. I was kind of happy to see this, because this suggests that in the near future, I'll feel empowered enough to take charge of my life and take the steps necessary to manifest my desires.

Factors Affecting Situation:
Divination. Seeking truth or answers, or exploring the unseen. These are my inner feelings. And since this doesn't contrast with the first card (actually, it complements it pretty well), this suggests that I'm actually on the right path. But hey, it's accurate enough on its own, too. Obviously I'm seeking answers, and I'm definitely exploring the unseen (in general, but also when it comes to manifestation). 

External Influences:
Divine Wisdom. These are forces I can't control which will affect the outcome of my situation. In this case, divine counsel, advice, and enlightenment. This is good. I have powerful forces working behind me.

Hopes and Fears:
Celestial Fate. Kind of speaks for itself, although it doesn't do a good job clearly defining my hopes/fears. I mean, yeah, I believe in "half-fate," but that doesn't have that much to do with my situation... or does it? My clarification card was Divine Guidance. Signs, messages, synchronicity, and other general guidance. Well, that's not too revealing. Of course I'm seeking signs. Oh, whatever. 

Final Outcome:
Goddess of Water. Also interesting. This card is all about purification, cleansing, and healing, but also pertains to emotion or even the essence of life. My clarification cards were Divine Summer and Inner Silence. The former is a lovely indicator of contentment, relaxation, entertainment, rest, joy, and warmth. The latter relates to meditation, contemplation, and listening to the voice within. 

I also asked my Greek oracle deck, in which I got symbolism for rash action, fraud/deceit, light, and (which hopped out of the deck) hope and expectation. But to be honest, I don't resonate with these pickings because I don't resonate much with that deck anymore. So I think I'll just ditch those. 

I've been receiving various other signs, as well. On tumblr, someone posted a spell for "new beginnings." Maybe that's also what Lucifer's "presence" represents - new light. The morning star which rises at dawn, to indicate the beginnings of a new day. Then, of course, there's Lulu, who's paralleling me, and a surplus of other inspiring quotes pertaining to manifestation. 

So I guess now it's just a matter of weighing the pros and cons, and then finally sitting down to talk to my dad/parents about this. That last bit will make me nervous as hell, because this is a huge part of my life and my future, and I know it's going to be hard for them to accept. But I have to do this. I want to be happy. And I won't be happy if I waste three or three and a half more years - and $100k - just to follow my parents' practical advice. 

Finny x