On Hallow's Eve

by Cornis @ deviantART

I can't remember what brought me to start thinking about this again... I've just been doing a lot of contemplation in general, because I'm wondering in what direction my truth is going to go. Where do I go from here? Will I end up going "full circle"? 

It's just... I wonder. And oh - I remember what the catalyst was for this topic. It was something I read about the Dalai Lama. He was asked what would happen if science disproved some aspects of Tibetan Buddhism, and he answered something along the lines of: "Tibetan Buddhism would have to change" (which apparently was the only answer that was different from the answers of other religious leaders) - but that "it would be hard to disprove reincarnation."

None of us can wrap our heads around the vastness of spirit. That's a given. But I just can't help but wonder why we're so attached to the idea of reincarnation, of past lives and higher selves. I honestly do feel it has to do with our attachment to identity - we long for connection. We don't want to be lonely. But how long have we felt this way? Since our appearance on Earth? Or since we lost touch with our inner divinity?

I'm very comfortable with the idea of being all-encompassing. I'm comfortable with claiming no specific "past lives," and I'm comfortable with not having a singular "higher self." It helps me feel connected and over-stand my position as a face or piece of creative energy. 

Our ancient ancestors were probably drifting off in the fourth or fifth dimension. That explains why they were so in tune with nature, with spirit, and how they were able to come up with advanced ideas in science and mathematics (like sacred geometry, golden mean, etc.). So if they were at a higher vibration, yet still had a religion in which numerous deities or spirits were named, or an afterlife was noted, then... what were they aware of? How close were they to spirit, and could they approach the "ultimate" truth?

That's why I wish I could travel back in time - or at least witness Earth history with my own eyes. I guess the reason why I'm contemplating this is because I've recently dwelt on my past truth, and all the things I used to resonate with (a reference to Spike came to me today), and it just makes me wonder. Talking to Lucifer, working with the angels of change, the conversation I had with Heather about angels/demons, getting a reading request to communicate with someone's higher self... I wish I knew. I have never seen spirit with either my physical or inner eyes. I don't count guides or auras because I make it my intention to see those things, and the guides I paint are just human guises they offer me. 

They do say feeling is what matters most. Being able to feel bliss and love and joy for life. But... I don't know. I love where I am now, but I feel like things are shifting a bit. I'm starting to be nudged toward separation again - exploring the singular identities. Maybe that was the point. I was thinking about that today, too.. that I needed to take the time off to enjoy unity and what it has to offer. It was because of this truth that I was able to feel connected to all things. If I hadn't gone this route, I wouldn't be as respectful of others. I'd still be taking life a bit more seriously, and wouldn't be AS confident in regard to manifesting my ideal life. Was that the point of the last two months? 

I'm looking back at the annual card reading I did. October was supposed to be a month of change. Technically, there was change - at a spiritual and mental level. Most of October was me trying to figure out this whole school thing, although in the end, my perspective has shifted a bit more. But November... the cards predict a fresh start, opening up to higher potential, and having choices to make. Should I expect another perspective shift?

Agh, I don't know. Of course, I'll willingly flow along with everything I resonate with. Thinking back to Spike made me recall all the lovely conversations and experiences I had with him and Leo and Pierre, etc. Those were some of my fondest memories. So why... why would it all be an illusion? Now that I think about it, it's pointless. Necessary for development, but pointless.

This sudden intense interest in oracle cards seems like a prelude to something. I'm developing an intense interest in the angels of change, in the old religions, in early human civilization, and deities. I'm not sure what this will bring.. but I will embrace it.

(I'm trying to decide if I still want to sign off with Finny, or with Evaah, which is more of a "spiritual" name for me - someone pointed out that it could probably stem from Eve, despite being made-up). 

Finny / Evaah