Musings on the Inner Child

by Julie Dillon

I woke up at 9:30 today. 9:30. Well, technically I was up at 8:40, but I still felt so bloody tired. I really need to start exercising... I wish I could go walking, because that's what I enjoy doing most (along with yoga), but it's too cold and I still don't know if my mom would be up for tagging along. The highs these days don't really slip past 55, which would be tolerable with plenty of sunshine. But it seems for the next week, those 55 highs are accompanied by rain.

I'm not sure if regular yoga would be as helpful as walking. It might help with strength, flexibility, and balance, but I'm not sure if it would help with energy. I just know one thing: sitting in a chair all day, every day is not helping my body. I suppose I could resort to simple exercises I can do indoors... accompanied by yoga. At this point, I might actually be eager to exercise.

Today I reflect on the inner child - my playful side. Interestingly enough, I drew The God. Not quite what I was expecting. The God represents masculine energy - primal energy. He represents strength and certainty and masculine power. But how is this supposed to answer my question of "how can I best connect to and express my inner child"? I like to think I do a pretty good job already. Maybe not openly amongst my family, but whenever I get the chance. Somehow, I don't really resonate with the idea that I need to connect with my masculine energies more to be able to connect with energies of the inner child. 

This might be a little crazy, but when I reread "masculine energy, primal energy, strength and certainty," I almost instantly thought of Lor. Lor is actually quite in-tune with energy, and has been able to pick up on mine in different scenarios countless times. But lately, we've been talking about an aspect to his personality/energy: a side of himself he refers to as "animalistic." Although he technically doesn't see himself energetically as either male or female, he has a very powerful masculine energy that he carries with him - energy that - surprisingly enough - I resonate with. It's a dominant energy, but not an abusive one, and it resonates with my submissive energy (who would've guessed)?

I'll save this topic for another post, though, since I'm digressing a bit here. Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I see The God as a metaphor for Lor, because Lor really freaking knows how to get me to express the playful energy of my inner child, even when I'm not always aware of it. So I wonder if perhaps the best way for me to connect to this playful side is to communicate with Lor. Might sound a bit out there, but it makes more sense to me than simply saying, "I need to connect with my masculine side," because my masculine side doesn't really draw on the energies of the inner child. 

I wouldn't say the inner child is entirely feminine, though. I'm assuming it's supposed to be balanced between masculine and feminine, in which case perhaps that initial interpretation was right. But when I reflect on how my playful side is expressed... I wouldn't say it's entirely feminine, either. Sometimes that energy is expressed as overly "cute" and "feminine," but other times it's just plain old "playful," which I feel is the more masculine expression. 

I think both of these interpretations can fly. I'm not going to dwell too much on it, because connecting with my inner child is hardly an issue for me. If anything, it's just interesting to think about, because I never really sat and contemplated how I express my inner child. 

There's one thing I do know, though: I do need to call upon the strength and certainty of my own masculine energy. That part of me may help tremendously in healing my issues. I've seen more of my feminine side since meeting Lor, which isn't a bad thing, especially since I was secretly trying to stifle my femininity a bit... but yeah. 

Goodness gracious. It's almost 2014. Need to get my thoughts in order for all this manifestation business. Maybe it's time to get out the "magic journal" again...