House 4 - Victim

"Parasite" - by Laura Sava

House 4 - Home

I knew immediately that there was no better archetype to suit House 4 than Victim. When I saw it land here, I thought: "Perfect." Wounded Child would have probably been another perfect fit, but I think Victim is a little more appropriate, since Caroline Myss describes House 4 as not only the house centered around family and emotional roots, but also the house where your deepest passion lies.

The moment I saw Victim side-by-side with House 4, I started thinking of my childhood: the painful memories of being at my brother's mercy - of having to deal with his lies that often got the both of us in trouble. I thought of recent years, when he moved out and made his own way in the world, and I had to constantly hear about how amazing and assertive he was for taking charge. I thought about how often my parents pester me for not being realistic, for living in a fantasy world - for not being more like my brother and "doing what has to be done." I recalled past holidays and family get-togethers where everyone seemed to favor my brother for being the extrovert and comedian. 

While the majority of this does sound like Wounded Child shining through, Victim is a bit more appropriate. I still feel victimized in this area to this day, after all. When I don't receive proper attention, I feel victimized. When I think I'm being used, I feel victimized. Recent events caused the Victim in me to surface: I was verbally attacked by someone who was meant to be a mentor/leader/coach to me, and he/she refused to change his/her behavior even after I asked very politely for him/her to be more compassionate in the future. I won't go into full detail, as I've forgiven the person and moved on, but at the time, I was allowing my Victim-self to shine through. It went from friend to friend, trying to point out how victimized it felt - trying to point out who was at fault... but in a nonchalant way to disguise itself (maybe it had some help from Shapeshifter). 

In reality, neither of us were at fault. I understood why things happened the way they did, and even though most of my acquaintances seemed to be on my side, I knew the opposing person had lashed out because he/she was emotionally hurt, as well. But in that moment, my Victim still insisted on being seen as - well - the Victim. 

The biggest challenge in this house is forgiveness, and healing past wounds. I have to learn to take the time and forgive those who have done me harm - whether intentionally or unintentionally - so I can move on.