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| "Strength" - by Dave Palumbo |
I was just a teensy bit baffled to see Hero land in the house of relationships, since I always felt its energies affect my life in other significant areas. Up until recently, I felt I was a hero in that I wanted to "save the world" - help fellow humans reach a higher state of consciousness, understanding, and compassion. Although I still technically want this, I can see why Hero presents itself to me in the house of marriage and relationships. After all, these heroic desires deal with connecting with others. I withstand my own painful "hero's journey" so that in the end, I will have the knowledge and experience to guide, strengthen, and support others on their paths.
When I reflect on my relationships with people, I realize that Hero has been secretly manifesting itself for years. I never really thought I was being "the hero," but a lot of my friendships - both close and casual - had to do with me being the helping hand, or the therapist, or the guide... perhaps even the rescuer at times. I wanted to be a source of encouragement and inspiration to these people.
I've seen Shadow Hero manifest in me many times - primarily when I've had to deal with my insecurities. Shadow Hero becomes empowered through the disempowerment of others. While I am not a bully, and never have been a bully, I simply have struggled so much with my sense of self-esteem and security that it made me feel better about myself to see others less empowered - or "enlightened" - than me. There have been plenty of times when I've found myself side-by-side with someone who is more skilled or more creative than I am (more "heroic"?). Through most of these times, I felt upset, worthless, and unappreciated. I found these feelings especially strong in spiritual communities like SF, where I had established a reputation of sorts for myself, only to have someone else come along and do something loads better than I can - and receive much more praise for it. The Shadow Hero in me responds negatively, thinking, "I'm giving things of great value to you guys! I'm a hero! Appreciate me!"
I expect this perspective to fade, though, once I learn to feel better about myself. I have to remember my true heroic self - not the one who seeks appreciation, or respect, or some sort of following, but the one who honestly seeks to help others, even if she has to sacrifice a bit of happiness and comfort to achieve that.
In my honest opinion, Hero is a beautiful archetype to have in this house. I only hope I can maximize its potential.
Oh my dear Little Sister, how much more will we find that we have in common :) Though I am a bit ashamed to admit it, I too, used to get upset when not given my "proper dues" as a hero type. I used to feel that no matter what I did, or how much I put into trying to bring joy, love and happiness into the lives of others, that it would never be enough, cause all the praises would always go to someone else. It's been a long, up hill battle getting my self esteem raised to the point to where I KNOW I AM strong enough to continue to do what I believe is right, regardless if I get acknowledged for it or not. I suppose that's part of the true test of love. But yes, sometimes one does just have to let go of the idea of always being recognized for their true worth. After all, do we do the things we do out of love and a sense of what's right? Or do we do them so that everyone will see what a wonderful person we really are?
ReplyDeleteBut like all things, there has to be a balance. I can remember so many times of feeling all empty inside, after giving so much of myself away to others, just to try and make a difference in their lives, that sometimes I would be so drained and left feeling like I hadn't really made a difference at all. Yet, my hero archetype is so strong inside of me, that I simply can't not turn my back on others for very long. So even the pain of feeling empty is something I've had to learn to let go of. But the bigger problem arises when the cycle of emptiness and just letting go, get so out of hand, that there is nothing left of yourself for you.
So please listen to me, Little Sister. Balance is everything. There is a time for giving your all to others. And there is a time for giving your all to yourself. When you start feeling worn out by giving too much of yourself away, that's the time to stop and take care of yourself. Build up your self esteem, your inner strength. And then you will have the strength to be the hero you already know you are :)
Love you Li'l Sis :)
I very much needed to hear this. xx
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