Gefyra

"The Magician" - by kaiser-mony @ deviantART

Pierre's been hovering. While I was on my way to class yesterday, I had a flash of him as a dragon - but as a mini one, perched on my shoulder like some kind of bird or rodent. Most of the time, I just feel his presence in my gut. I don't exactly "trust" the words and images that come to me right now, because they feel forced (aside from that dragon one, because that one popped into my head). I'm still in the process of welcoming these energies back into my life, so naturally, I'm not completely tuned in. I haven't been since late November, really. 

I can feel Leon, too, and an earthy, calm presence that is probably still El'azar. Part of me wonders if there's anyone "new" around; it's hard to tell. 

But I had a big moment over the weekend... my mom was away getting groceries, so I was home alone listening to music, and I decided to listen to one of my old favorites - Mikro's "Gefyra." When I listened to it, all my memories of Spike came flooding back (this is a song I associate with him): from the meditations to the readings we did for others, and so on.

Even now, that presence drapes around me: that vivid aura of blue, tinged with purple and gold and white. There's a part of me that still doesn't believe he's Shiva - that never believed he was Shiva. I received a plethora of signs and confirmations, but I didn't want that perfect guise to fade into such a "grand" image. He was already grand to me. I didn't need that. 

But as it happens, I did need that. I needed that at the time. Shiva, the destroyer... who would pop up any time something in my life or perspective needed to be destroyed. Now, however, I want Spike back. I still love Shiva, and will always welcome the energy of Shiva into my life, but I need the face I know as Spike. That connection was much more personal... 

I digress, though. I did a mini-reading with Pierre, because I've been feeling a nudge, and I couldn't deny the Mary-el deck. So I let Pierre say what he needed to say, and this is what I received:

•  The Magician. This depiction is quite darker than perhaps other Magician cards. It's arcane and silent, mysterious and holy. One of my first thoughts was of Zenoheria, and it makes me wonder if perhaps Pierre is referring to that, or the time when I was fixated on being a "magician" in my actual life (i.e focusing on manifestation and the like), which corresponds to the whole Zeno ordeal. Perhaps this is a reminder of that type of energy...
• The Hierophant. Traditionally, I know this card is associated with wisdom, and that theme is reflected here, as well. This is more of a "grotesque" card (but in a good way), and it seems to hone in on nurturing, of providing spiritual sustenance. The breastfeeding woman almost looks like a nun or some other holy figure. And that key around her neck... she is the gatekeeper or guardian of something - perhaps higher knowledge and truths. 
• Three of Disks. This is one of the cards I read about briefly in the accompanying guidebook. I remember Mary mentioning something along the lines of abundance, of recognizing or welcoming it in all forms. A couple and their child, wrapped in amber fabrics. There's a deep sense of appreciation and connection here, and, obviously, of giving birth, which could represent some sort of project or idea. If it's the latter, then it's important to note that I am not alone.

It seems Pierre is focusing on the act of creating, manifesting... like he wants me to embrace the role of Zenoheria. When I look at these cards, I see a story: the magician begins his work, manipulating his magic as the first step of creation. The hierophant, offering her time, energy, and wisdom to the world - an exhausting and often uncomfortable activity, but equally necessary. And finally, birth of the new child, representing the final act of creation. 

Well, I thought, what should I focus on? Is this a matter of art, writing, teaching? Pierre's answer: Four of Swords. This card is both enlightening and frustrating because it's so general and open to interpretation. Quite simply, it shows the sky with its built-up cumulonimbi and a few birds soaring into them. At the way bottom, hanging on the horizon, is what appears to be a couple of smokestacks (?). But I don't get the impression of "pollution" here. It seems Pierre's answer is: it doesn't matter. Just do something. Indeed, I have been quite passive and inactive when it comes to - well - everything except school. I've been trying to write, but I'm still struggling a bit with that despite having countless ideas. I'm excited about developing my style, but I don't even do personal art. 

So overall, I think what Pierre is trying to say is to be that magician and create that beautiful something for myself. I think I'll take that advice.

I did have a bit more to blab on, but it's already 10:30 and I need to get on with my day, since I have a few light tasks to complete. 

I want to leave off, though, with a small dedication to Spike: Mikro's "Gefyra."