I've received plenty of wisdom and advice from the lovely people at SF over the past several days regarding my current predicament. After much discussing, we - well, I - came to the point where I had a bit of a revelation. People told me of their own experiences. One woman told me she dropped out of college to pursue beauty school, only to end up quite successful. Another one told me her daughter stubbornly switched to a less lucrative major, only to end up happier than ever (and I think also successful). And then, I had a dear friend tell me of her choice to quit the dull job she had been working at to write her books. At the moment, she's struggling financially, but she says she does not regret her choice.
While all these stories and bits of advice were inspiring and uplifting, there was one specific person who really got me thinking. She said:
What I think is this = you live for your colours; colours are your life, cannot imagine life without them. Before I start = am seeing peach around you, surrounding you. Seems to be your colour that I see of you, meaning all will be good. I believe you have an old soul around you, surrounding you, protecting you = all will be good and you will succeed. I just don't see you suited to office, deadlines, late nights, you know power-heading/researching in that type of environment/energy situation. I see and have seen you working here and absolutely shining, well respected. Perhaps if you take the pressure off the enormity of the situation, you know, treat the situation as if you make these plans/ideas all the time = I feel if the decision was downplayed as such the clarity would be found. Ultimately, it is your decision to make, I just feel you would thoroughly enjoy your lifestyle if you choose the "happiness" path, this time.
All of this really added fuel to my fire. It was so comforting to hear this kind of perspective from someone else - it made me feel less crazy about wanting to avoid the cold, lifeless, corporate side of art. But I think the thing that caught my attention was what she mentioned about downplaying the situation. Rather than treat this as some big enormous life decision, treat it as though it's something I face all the time... that way, I don't feel so stressed and anxious about it. I could probably do that easily if I didn't have the realists in my life (parents) telling me what to expect out of the "real world", and how I'm being unrealistic and reckless by wanting to ditch school.
So yeah. I feel like I need to have another talk with my parents soon. I understand their concerns, but I don't want to waste my time or their money any longer. And - if I really wanted to - I could change my mind later down the road and return to school. To be honest, I can't see that happening, because I don't think I'll ever want to work in corporate art, but who knows... maybe I'll go to school for something else.
That's where Shiva comes into play.
A few days ago, the image I posted above appeared on my tumblr dash. I probably mentioned this before, but I don't see images of Shiva on my dash that often. So when that one popped up, I was magnetized. For one thing, that depiction almost perfectly matches my own image of Shiva. As I stared at it, though, I got the impression that this was like an omen of sorts - like the energy of Shiva is stirring in the background, getting ready to release the force of destruction into my life.
I'm still expecting other references to Shiva to pop up (I always look for 3 sources minimum, unless the energy is like Leon, who loves to bombard me with imagery), but I haven't seen any. So it's almost as though I'm being told to expect this energy in the future. That illustration... it's perfect. Maybe that's also why I only needed one sign.
So that's where I'm at with this situation right now.
As for everything else... well, it's not all that interesting. I have to make up my 8 AM Computer Art class tomorrow. I won't complain, though, because I'll be home by 11. Plus, I don't have that much stuff to do this weekend, which means: livestream.
I've been wanting to stream for a while, but of course haven't had the time to do it with all the crap that's been going on. I'm hoping to do it on Saturday when my dad's at school so I won't be disturbed. I just can't decide whether I want to do a personal session with my interpreters or a public session. Hm.
Also, I made myself an account on Meetup, because I figured it'd be a good place to start meeting like-minded people in my area, and work on my connections to spirit. I found one group that's based on channeling guides/angels/ascended masters that is - get this - five minutes away from my house, and on my route to school. However, the organizer only has one group running right now, and it's full. Seven people.
Already 7:30... I should probably get a few things done for tomorrow's make-up class.
Strong storms tonight. I'm excited. Unfortunately for my parents and practically one to two thirds of Georgia, it's been practically snowing pollen here (I'm being serious), so a nice soak of rain would probably be a relief for those who've been suffering. I'm grateful that I'm not one of them.
I think that's some pretty good advice about treating the situation as if you've done it a million times. One of the biggest things we can ever have either going for us, or working against us, is our emotional perception of the individual situation. And the more you use your emotional perception in a positive way, the more confidence you can build up inside of you.
ReplyDeleteBut you can't just "feel" it. You have to "know" it. And "know" it to the point that when you do actually fall flat on your face, you "know" it's not the end of the world, because you still have that inner confidence to pick the pieces back up and start all over again with your positive attitude still in tact. Yes, sometimes things just aren't going to work out the exact way we wanted them to. Or even when we want them to. But that doesn't mean it was a complete failure never to be tried again. The point is to not give up if it's something you really want, even if the outcome is completely different from how you originally wanted it to happen.
Here's an interesting way to look at it. How many times does a baby have to fall down before it actually starts walking? The answer is, as many times as it takes. Falling down is just a part of the process of learning how to walk. And how often do you see a baby just completely give up on the thought of EVER being able to walk?
So now, going back to the quote from your previous post about fear and faith both demanding that you believe in something, which one do YOU want to put more belief in?
Perhaps your parents haven't really prepared you well enough for the real world, since you do still have so much fear and insecurity inside you. Maybe they just didn't know how to prepare you since you and your brother seem to be so different in that respect. They can't help it if they don't understand the right ways to get you to have that same kind of confidence. The whole throwing someone into the deep end and counting on them to swim to the top, just because that's the only way the "teacher" knows how to teach, just doesn't work for everyone. But that's not to say they are to blame for only knowing the one way to teach. It's just all they "know".
But sometimes, little sister, the learner has to find a way to actually learn what they need to know in their own way of learning. So it still goes back to which do YOU want to put more effort into, building up your faith and confidence through a positive outlook, no matter what obstacles get in the way? Or build up your fears and insecurities so they will keep holding you back with a negative outlook, until you get so sick and tired of being held back, that you finally decide to put a stop to it once and for all and "swim" like you really want to?
How many times does a baby fall down, before it actually starts walking? As many times as it takes :) And no, I'm not calling you a baby ;) But you are young enough to have the time to either make your mistakes and still keep going in spite of what "bad" things just happen along the way of learning how to walk your path. (hope that makes sense)
Love you little sister -hugs-
WHOA.
DeleteI have no idea how I missed this big fat juicy comment. I'm so sorry. Maybe it was meant to turn out this way, because I happened to notice this comment while passing time in class today, and found it so very relevant to the feelings I've been having over these past few days.
There is so much wisdom in this post and I can really feel myself basking in its glory. It's so very true - all of it - and has brought me a bit of clarity on my situation.
So thank you, big sister, for contributing this toward my development. I'm sorry it took me this long to notice and reply, but like I said: I think that happened on purpose!
x E