On Source

"The Journey" - by Rassouli

Before I continue my thoughts from last night, I wanted to mention a few things.

One, it's my dad's birthday, which means he's working from home. I dislike dealing with his energy when he's home all day, but he deserves the day off, so I'll suck it up and deal with it. 

Two, I've completed four readings over at SF so far, and all of them have been pretty spot on. That's reassuring. I call upon one of the boys for each reading, because they're each associated with their specific areas. Spike represents the emotional (water); Leon represents the mental (air); El'azar represents the physical (earth); and Pierre represents the spiritual (fire). I ask my sitters to pick either a general, spiritual, emotional, or physical reading and then call upon the energy of whoever matches the reading type. 

There has been a bit of struggle. I find acquiring clairvoyant symbols to be a tad tricky. I think it's because I'm so bloody imaginative that I can't identify what's actually a symbol or what's just my imagination going wild (which is exactly why I have trouble studying or focusing on more "academic" things). If this is the case, I resort to colors and looking at the aura for clues. That usually works. And then, in rarer cases, I'll actually hear words, such as in last night's reading when I distinctly heard "You have friends in high places" for the sitter.

So I don't know. I have 18 more readings to work through. I'm hoping that a mix of practice and meditation will help me receive more detailed, specific information. 

Now continuing from yesterday's post...

Let me start with this question: what would be the point of Source giving information to its perspectives? That is, if I'm a perspective of Source, and I decided to channel what I believed was "Source," why would Source give me information? If the point is to fully realize oneself by exploring the many, why would it actively give certain information to a perspective? 

Being a perspective is a really grand thing. It's not like we're miniscule, here. I gave the leaf of a tree analogy in my previous post, but we're not tiny like leaves. We encompass an entire perspective. I guess what I'm saying here is that I wonder if what I've believed to be "Source" is actually my Source aspect: my "original perspective." It makes sense when I think about it. I am my own distinct perspective. And of all the times I've channeled what I believed was "Source" (or Adonai), I found that this energy only revealed information that currently resonated with me or was about to resonate with me. It never revealed something that didn't relate to my own understanding. 

I mean, technically, it's still Source behind it all. But I don't think my idea of Source can stand anymore. I loved the idea of Source being the collective creative consciousness of the universe, being in all things. And that's still true. 

Think about it, though. We like to think of a "singular" Source - the root of everything. The One. The Universe, etc. No matter how much we say we are "one," we still have this idea in our head that there's an "original Source" out there - one we can communicate with and which has its own understanding of its existence. But what if that's not true at all? Look around - everyone has their own perspective... even the natural world. Trees in Canada experience life differently than trees in South America. Animals have their own perspectives. A petal that falls in one direction experiences descent differently than one which falls in another direction. 

With that in mind, perhaps there's no "original Source" holding the ultimate truth. Could there have been at one point? Maybe. But let me ask this: does Source even recognize an "original self" amongst the infinite perspectives that now exist? Those countless perspectives are what define Source, in my opinion. It would seem illogical for Source to see itself as "separate" from its perspectives, since those perspectives are the very thing helping to actualize / understand its existence.

So when I say I channel "Source," I'm still technically right. But not in the way I had thought before. I thought I was contacting the "origin" of everything. The purest, "highest" aspect. However, if anything, I was probably contacting my Source self: the energy that thought my physical being into existence. After all, that perspective knows me best. It's the energy that is trying to explore as much as possible. If there is an "original Source perspective," why would it try and influence a perspective by taking things into its own hands (so to speak)? 

What's odd is that for a long while, I never resonated with the idea of Source self, because I figured Source was just that. But now it makes perfect sense. And the ironic thing is that it was probably my Source self that delivered all this information to me. 

As for "Adonai..." I always wondered why that name resonated so much with me, despite me holding no interest in Judaism. And then J appeared, and Teal Scott was introduced, and bam. Like-minded perspectives who shared very similar views on existence. 

Maybe I wasn't just channeling my Source self. Maybe I was channeling all the views that were associated with the Adonai family (at the request of my Source self?). However, I needed that time with what I believed was "Source" to get where I am today. If I didn't go down that road, I would never see and appreciate the world as I do now. 

I think it's time to sit down with my Source self. 

Will continue this later - for now, I have quite a bit to do today.