An Odd Sort of Place

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I feel like I'm in limbo. It's a very strange sort of transitional period made a bit uncomfortable because I'm not sure what I should be doing right now. I'm supposed to be finding work as per my dad's wishes, but now that I've been denied at the only two places I'd be willing to work, I feel like I'm in the corner going, "Well, crap. What now?"

Speaking of work, TR just announced on Facebook that they're closing their shop. What weird timing. I email them about work opportunities only to have them come out a week later saying they're closing shop because they're moving to another state. I feel a bit foolish now, but whatever. Technically, I have one more place I could contact, but man, it's such a long drive. 

Where does this leave me? I have no idea. Because I haven't talked to my parents about this, I don't know whether I can work something out so that I don't have to work a stable job right this second. I have to admit: I was even considering going to live with my brother, just so I wouldn't have my parents trying to influence me, but by sweet Adonai... I wouldn't be able to live with him. Plus, I'm not too crazy about Florida. My "soul home" is the west coast - Hawaii, eventually. Somewhere amongst mountains and vivid, green foliage. 

I just feel so pressured now, and I don't know what I should do. I don't want to succumb to my parents' demands. My only hope is to convince them to give me some time off to do what I want to do. To build up a name and business for myself... although I also admit I've been really feeling the doubt lately. People have been taking advantage of my services for a year and a half. Over 300 readings done, all for free. Although I'm happy to have helped, I'm afraid this will mean that very few will return to pay me. I'm not sure where else I could advertise. I hate having to "sell" myself. Having to say, "Come check out my FB!" or "This is my blog!"

Gah. I'm just clueless. Maybe my reading for Beltane might help... I don't know. But what I do know is that El'azar's presence has been quite strong these past several days. He seems to be teaching me the art of connection (also, he's the energy associated with the physical, so that would also make sense...), amongst other things. 

Nice to have him in the front lines for once.

I had an interesting dream this morning in which an old woman - a neighbor whom I didn't recognize - deliberately crashed into one of our cars while it was sitting in the garage. She smashed into Haloa. I had the impression that she wasn't happy with us for some reason... but she never said a word. I recall checking out the damage and also feeling a bit relieved that Hans wasn't damaged. In some ways, it felt like an episode of Psych, because I remember seeing a woman standing near the garage and thinking, "Does she have something to do with this?"

An old woman crashing into our car... on purpose. What the hell does that mean? I guess it kind of makes sense. I'm the old woman in that I'm not happy about where I am in life. I feel the need to take action and make my feelings known through this action. 

...Ain't that the truth.

With the exception of writing about fifteen pages for Crucible, I pretty much played GW2 all weekend. I still have to gather at least 10 images for tomorrow, but my goodness, I don't even want to do that. 

I guess I should get a move on. Just five more weeks...