Beltane

"Beltane Reunion" - by Emily Balivet

May. Although I could truly care less about what day/month it is, knowing that it's finally "May" is quite a sigh of relief, because that means the end of the quarter is around the corner. 9 more actual days of school. 

With the first day of May comes Beltane, celebrating the fertility and abundance of earth and good old-fashioned sexual energy. I won't pretend to be an expert on Beltane, because I'm certainly not, but I do respect and admire what it represents... it's part of the reason why I love spring so much. Abundance... new energies. A time for things to begin anew. 

I did a reading for myself. Nothing too elaborate - just an elemental sort of thing, two cards per energy. I asked Spike about the emotional, Pierre about the spiritual, El'azar about the physical, and Leon about the mental. Since I already wrote it down on my private blog, I'll just make a quick jotlist of what came up:

• Emotionally, I'm balanced at present, especially in regard to masculine and feminine energies. I'm approaching my situation with both male and female qualities, which is quite true. To improve my emotional state, I merely have to go with the flow. Emotion isn't something you can "force." You can change your perspective, and improve understanding, but if you're depressed, the cover of "happiness" only lasts so long.
• Physically, I'm in a place of ecstasy. El'azar had some strange answers for me. I don't feel like I'm in a place of physical ecstasy, but I think that's exactly why he chose this card for me. I'm focusing too much on the future - it dominates my thoughts. As for improvement, another incredibly odd choice: a card that essentially parallels The Tower. So I think a big change stands in the way of improving my physical state.
• Mentally, I'm in the right place. Leon is encouraging the process of manifestation, and is saying that my thoughts are promising prosperity. To improve my mental state, I merely have to keep aware of my thoughts... my intentions.
• Spiritually, I'm expanding, but Pierre says there is power that is "trapped" within me - potential that has yet to be released. What kind of power? I'm not sure yet. But to improve my spiritual state, I have to focus more on compassion, of extending a loving hand rather than focusing on the material side of things. 

El'azar, as always, was pretty blunt. I'm always intrigued by the differing perspectives of these guiding energies. I can literally see their distinction... what they tend to focus on, as well as how they express it (e.g. Ellie's bluntness compared to Pierre's cryptic, metaphorical psyche-talk, compared to Leon's simple and straightforward messages, etc.). At least I know where some of my priorities lie now.

I have a lot on my mind. Obviously. In Italian Renaissance yesterday, I spent only a quarter of the time actually paying attention. The rest of that time was spent thinking about all the ideas I was getting about my psychic art business, what I could offer, etc., as well as other things. It makes me wonder if someone is legitimately inspiring me, as in encouraging me to actually offer me these things, or if it's just my materialistic mind thinking, "How else can I stand out from the crowd?"

I mean, I'm getting a lot of cool ideas... things that people might genuinely be interested in. And it would definitely help attract more potential clients... but I need to remember to focus on the helping part instead of the making money part. Which is difficult, I know, because I've been impressed with the urge to sustain myself, made stronger by my parents, whom I feel like I have to "prove wrong." Quite a challenge. But it's nice to know that my thoughts are relatively in the right place. The more I focus on this success, the better (and sooner?) I'll have it.

Of course, I'm still feeling the doubt. I just read a little post by Ravynne Phelan, the artist who illustrated the Mythic Oracle deck and is currently working on the Dreams of Gaia deck (which is so beautiful... holy Shiva, I can't wait). She was basically saying in a nutshell how difficult being an artist is, what with the whole "selling yourself and your products" thing. But despite everything she said, she still doesn't regret where she is, and is happy to be living the life she has. And that's what I needed to hear.

Like always, I had a lot more I was going to say. But it's already 10 AM, and I have a bit of homework to do with InDesign, although to be honest, I don't think I'm going to get much of it done. 

The creative energies are flowing in all the right places... I trust they'll lead me to the proper place.