Janus

"Thor" - by Carina Jorgensen

I recently felt inclined to reread the majority of my posts in the Burrow back at SF. In doing so, I came across a prominent piece of information.

There was a dream I had several months ago back when I didn't feel Spike around that much. Here's a snippet:

We rode [the slides] again, came back around, and saw the (attractive) blue-black character who I think may have been Spike "disguised," for a few reasons. One, because as I passed him, I was so surprised to see him that I called out: "JANUS?!" Two, because the primary color I associate with his energy is blue. Three, he was dressed in a very expressive style, which aligns with the guise he normally wears for me. And four, because he didn't say a word - merely smiled.

In this post, I had also mentioned how I was wanting the boys to come visit me in my dream. So at the time, I felt like Spike had visited me - just in a different guise.

I had this dream in late July, but as I read it today, something "clicked" for me. I never dwelled much on this dream, nor did I ever really contemplate the guise "Spike" wore in it. It's only today that I find myself questioning this and making connections. The name Janus now feels quite significant and resonant. I already knew about the Roman god of time, doorways, transitions, and beginnings... but doing some research now, I'm not finding all that much information.

So who is Janus? If that character really was one of Spike's guises, why did he use that name? See, back in July, I didn't dwell much on this, because I didn't know what to make of it. I just assumed it was Spike and was happy as a result. But after spending the last several months developing and embracing a new perspective, I see new information being revealed here.

At first, I considered that Janus may be a distinct energy; however, my intuition disagrees with this. Recently - within the past few weeks - I came to that realization about having multiple or infinite aspects of the Source self. I'm beginning to feel Janus is one of Spike's aspects. Both Janus and Spike have similar - if not the same - energy... but I think whereas Spike embodies light, Janus embodies shadow. Because of the nature of our relationship, and my development, I never witnessed a darker side to Spike. Perhaps now, after all I've faced, I'm finally ready to know about this shadow aspect. 

I have more exploration to do on this subject, but I figured I'd mention it while it was fresh on the mind. And guess what? I only started thinking about this today; however, I come home, check tumblr, and find a reference to Janus on my dash (a two-faced skull thing with his name in the caption).

What are the odds of that? I have never ever seen Janus on tumblr. 

Figures.

In other news, I'm finally down to one more week of school. Two more class days, and I'll be free. There is a lot in motion right now (another reason why this "reappearance" of Janus is appropriate), and I'm trying my best to not get swept up in it. My weekend will be busy: I have an essay to write and a website to pretty much finish (I only started the real deal in class today...). But hell - I'll make it happen. This is all I have left. Then, I can focus on the things that matter most to me.

For now, though, I have to work on my illustration project before this oil wash dries. Ack.