Evanescence

First things first: my brother left yesterday, so I have my sanity and privacy back... for the most part. Also, I had an interesting dream this morning, which felt like an odd blend of all sorts of components. The name Chloe was in it. There was traffic. I was at school with Dani and N. It was just all over the place. And now I obviously don't remember enough to make any sort of interpretation.

I miss being able to recall most of my dreams in stunning detail. I wonder if that ability will return once I'm done with school.

But the main theme of this post is self. I've begun thinking deeply about all the things I've learned about myself from a spiritual context. The SF chat room kind of encouraged this, too, what with one member describing how she (well, I guess "he") steals bodies as the result of a curse, and another asking me to see what I could pick up from a soul connection who was ignoring her. It got me thinking about what embodies "Evaah."

As you can imagine, things have shifted dramatically in my head after receiving that archetype reading from Jules. For the longest time, I always saw myself as that "shapeshifter" - one who traversed dimensions with ease, who held tremendous spiritual power, and so on. So to finally receive a confirmation that I wasn't just imagining things - that has been a catalyst for me. It gives me confidence that with enough practice, devotion, and discipline, (Monk shining through), I'll reach my full potential and truly embody Evaah, or even Andromeda.

Evaah and Andromeda... I always considered Evaah my "energy name" (or soul name; I just don't like using the word soul much anymore). It has roots to Eve, or life, and it felt like the perfect, short and sweet name for my energy, which yearns to live and embrace existence. But then I had to pick an "artist name," and stumbled across Andromeda, which I also resonate very strongly with (it feels very powerful).

Out of curiosity, I did a bit of research on Andromedan starseeds. But the thing about those "what kind of starseed are you?" sites is that their descriptions are so vague and can apply to pretty much all people in one area or another. So that didn't do me much good. I just wanted to see if perhaps there was a reason I'm so drawn to the name - like how I'm drawn to the name Adonai or Phineas.

While I was falling asleep last night, I was listening to some tunes to practice a bit of semi-meditation. I decided to see what I looked like as my true self, but I found that I couldn't stick with just one "form." It kept shifting, from masculine to feminine to genderless, long "hair," short "hair," radiating golden light, white light, purple energy... and then I remembered something I told someone at SF recently:

The majority of us feel we are of an infinite energy. We are each our own distinct perspective, but we are composed of many aspects. You wouldn't just express one aspect of yourself to others, would you?

Of course. There's so much to us that obviously can't be expressed in a single image. I've actually been thinking about that in regard to spirit art, but that's a different story and I won't go there right now. 

This is the first baby step... back into the world of self-discovery. I even thought about Eron again, because dragon imagery has been making a return, and since I do consider Zenoheria one of my "aspects" for obvious reasons, I figured it might be good to connect to his energy again. And Pierre's, of course.

I'll probably elaborate on this later. I got distracted and now my thoughts aren't flowing as well. Dang.  

I definitely need to meditate.