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| "The Thinker" - by marctist @ deviantART |
I suppose I should first say that I'm not so sure anymore what I'm "meant" to be doing. I had this grand old plan for a good solid year; I guess I was naive to think that it wouldn't change. But since I find myself changing - if not just a bit - I also find that my interests and desires are shifting, too.
I have never been happy with the way I draw. People in class always give me compliments, especially about how I have my own defined "style," but in all honesty, I hate my style. So it's very aggravating when my professor continues to say that my work is very stylized (although it is an illustration class), because it's a style I don't like, and can't seem to break out of.
But when I think about it, I don't know what kind of style I would want, which would be best suited for the material I plan on producing. See, I learned something in art school (go figure): all the best artists were/are known for doing this one thing fabulously - be it subject matter, style, or medium. I always thought it would be cool to be a "jack-of-all-trades" artist, where I can do many things fabulously, and can be utilized for a number of needs. It's what I'm most interested in, I think. After sitting in my 20th century art class, however, I've come to realize that in order to make an impact on this world, I need to have a strong message, which means that I need to pick something that will define me.
I do have that "something" in mind, but now my question is: how do I approach it? I am definitely an independent artist. I don't want to work for or with anyone. I received some ideas in the shower the other day that might prove beneficial. I don't know.
The problem is, I feel like I'm in a rush. I feel like I have to be amazing now, because if I'm not, I can't set myself up for that dream life I want. I suppose this is one of my biggest "flaws" - yet all the wisdom I've received in past months has been telling me to slow down, enjoy the ride, and acquire all the experience I can, even if the situation isn't ideal.
Remember back when I said I was interested in starting an art blog? I've been thinking about that again recently, along with "identity." In the past, I wanted an identity for myself that didn't utilize my real name, because I don't resonate with my real name. But aside from E.R. and P.R., I can't decide on another "meaningful" name. I thought: "Why not just go with my real name?" Most people won't be able to pronounce it.. but then again, there have been plenty of artists in the past whose names we can't pronounce.
But I digress. Long story short, I've been thinking about that art blog again, because I feel like it'd be a good way to document my process and development and also a way to get my name out there. People like that - they like seeing the process. They want to get in behind-the-scenes and see how fabulous works of art or film were produced.
As far as writing goes... I'm feeling very lost. I can't really describe it, but I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps writing is the wrong method. I love stories. I'm a storyteller. I love creating fabulous worlds - especially fantasy ones. But when it comes to actually sitting down and writing something meaningful, something awesome and inspiring and that fits together perfectly, I lose hope and motivation. Is that my problem? Am I focused too much on it being publishable? Or should I just be trying a different medium, such as visual storytelling?
I'm not a fan of sequential style, but perhaps "visual" storytelling - simply telling a story through illustrations - would be a good alternative. Hmm. No. That should be something else entirely, for projects that aren't as elaborate and complex as, say, Crucible or Winterspell.
So yeah. I'm at a loss with this writing thing right now. Maybe I should just put it in the back of my mind. Maybe the answers will come later. I think I should enjoy not writing. World-building, yes. I could do that. Ideas for worlds and plots come through all the time. There's no harm in writing them down. But as far as actually weaving together a story goes... that'll have to wait until I can clear my head and gain some perspective.
One little side note before I end this post: I have to say, I'm actually kind of excited to be living alone. I'm terrified of having to handle everything myself, because I'm afraid of people taking advantage of me, but I realize that I can finally do almost everything I want to do in daily life without having my parents around to judge, criticize, or mock me. I can eat what I want, do readings without worrying about being walked in on, meditate in peace, and so on. It'll be a huge adjustment/learning curve, but I really have to focus on this sense of adventure, of breaking out of the familiar. So I say: bring it on.
A day of GW2 awaits!
I think part of the problem you're having really is to do with impatience – so much so that you are forcing these answers to become apparent and that is when they are least likely to come to you. I know it's a hard thing to do but personally I think you should try just going with the flow and stop worrying about figuring out how to get your stories out there and stuff, just focus on enjoying life. The answers will come to you when they are good and ready and definitely not before. Maybe even take a break from the writing or just step back from it as sometimes we really can't see the wood for the trees.
ReplyDeleteThings come and go, these problems will pass and you'll know what the right thing to do is, but it just takes... time. You knew that already though, but sometimes other people have to say things to make us realise what we already know, ne?
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Yes. I'm very aware it's a problem with patience. I have society to thank for that.
DeleteBut I feel like if I sit and just "wait," I'm wasting time. Especially waiting for this long...
LOL!!!! You know, I read a "how to write stories" book a few years ago, where the author kept telling about how every writer he knows, never wants to actually sit down and write. They would always be doing anything BUT writing, yet they all still had lots of things get published, eventually. The point he was trying to get at, was not to beat yourself up if you couldn't actually write something every single day, no matter what kinds of deadlines or goals were involved. It happens to the best of them.
ReplyDeleteHell, it took my something like 9 years to finally finish my one big novel (which I still have yet to publish). But, I also fall into the category of writers who work on more then one writing project at a time :/
Just try not to stress over it too much. Because trust me, you're not the only writer out there who goes through that ;)
Haha. Touche.
DeleteOh - I know I'm not the only one. I also fall in that same category, by the way, which makes things even more difficult. There was a time when I could write 80,000 words endlessly, with plenty of inspiration and motivation to fuel me (the project was my first official "novel"). But as I grew older, learned more about life, acquired new perspectives, and so on, it's like... all of that faded away, and now I'm solely fixated on profit, profit, gotta make a profit out of this or I'm doomed.
That's a nice bit of inspiration, though, so thanks for that. I think this is just something I'm going to have to drill in my head each day...
LOL! I think with me, it's more that I'm too much of a perfectionist. Can't stand writing crappy writing void of the feeling I'm trying to create. So I'll sometimes stare at the page for hours just trying to find the right words to convey the elegance of what I see in my head. It's usually pretty obvious in the story when I've rushed something too fast. At least it is to me anyway.
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