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| By Dave Palumbo |
Now, the real news... I'm a teensy bit stressed out right now.
And by "teensy bit," I mean "highly, but I just distract myself well." Turns out my dad is leaving for his overseas job in the next two to three weeks. Like, really leaving. He's now in overdrive as he has to finish up all the things he needs to take care of before he goes away... for a year. To be honest, I'm kind of... relieved that he's going, for two reasons: one, because my parents could really use the money, and two, because I could sure use the break from having him chew my arse every day. He was even chewing my arse about cleaning my room (seriously? I'm twenty years old, here...), which I found highly insulting because, as he well knows, I'm a responsible offspring.
So where does this leave me? In panic mode. I've been putting off "progression" on my own path for as long as possible... maybe because I'm still clinging to my young adulthood. I still know next to nothing about how the "real world" works. But somehow, that's not what scares me most. What scares me most is that my plan to attend the University of Metaphysical Sciences long-distance is kind of crumbling apart. I haven't touched spirituality since late June/early July. I've been spending all my time immersed in the physical, playing GW2, meeting beautiful people, and even drawing in hopes that I can make some extra cash.
I'm not sure if the spiritual mindset is something you can just force yourself back into. I mean, the interest is still there, but I've been away in the physical so long that it feels so foreign to me. I still want to help people. I still want to do intuitive art and those nifty "Dream-walks" and perhaps even one day teach what I know. But is returning to a spiritual mindset something that I have to take into my own hands?
I think so. For a while, I've been "waiting around" to see whether that spark would come back. People have been nosing around my intuitive art FB and the like, so I figured: maybe that'll rekindle the flame. But nope. I'm still sitting here, as far from spirituality as I can possibly be...
I need to come up with something, and quickly. I don't have a year to spend in schooling, so I'm wondering if perhaps I should just find some quicker (and more affordable) classes that'll help boost my skill and earn me some credentials. Will that be enough to sustain me for now? I have no idea. It's a bit of a scary thought.
Lately, I've been feeling... shameful? My parents continue to probe and lecture me about the "real world," and how kids in the 21st century are spoiled, and it makes me regret, in some ways, being who I am, and having this view on life that I have. I wish I could just suck it up and be like every other young adult, able to throw myself into piles of stress at college or crappy retail jobs... but I can't.
For now, the least I can do is work my butt off drawing, and hope someone likes my work enough to pay me for it...
I don't think forcing yourself into a spiritual mindset is the answer... however, I do think that the enormous shift that will happen as a result of your parents leaving will move you towards it more. Don't feel bad about neglecting it all either because this period of time is still incredibly useful to your growth and you as a person, you just may not realise it yet. Of all the people I know, you will be fine and if you need someone to talk to, I'm still here, I hope you know that...
ReplyDeleteL x
I'm with Lulu on that one. Personally, my pursuit of spirituality tends to come and go as well. And while yes, sometimes it is hard to get back into the mindset of it all, the intuitive part of it will still come back on its own eventually. You just have to keep the door open with your intention and it'll come back home when you're ready for it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you have to remember that you are a Pisces, my dear. And Pisces are notorious for wanting to escape from the "real world" into what ever perfect vision of what the world should be like according to each individual Pisces. So you really shouldn't feel like there's something seriously wrong with you just because you're not like everyone else. It's as natural for a Pisces to get all caught up in their vision of an ideal world as it's as natural for a fish to take to water ;)
With that said, you also do need to remember that this is just an explanation for why you feel so indifferent about "reality". But, it's also not an excuse to be able to get away with refusing to "fit in" either. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh cause it wasn't meant to be. And I don't wish to sound like a conformist either. It's just that I had to live through my Pisces ex boyfriend's disgust with being a part of the human race, that to this very day, he's still pines away for the day when the mystical veil will come down so he can turn into a dragon and never have to be associated with being a "disgusting hooman" ever again.
I truly do feel for your plight Little Sister. It hurts to see you not feeling like you fit in, and it hurts to see you not being able to fit in. And even though I know you do have a harder time finding a balance between what you want and what is, I'm just glad you're particular version of what the world should be like isn't so far fetched that you'll never be happy with who you are.
Find YOUR balance between this world and your world. Yes, sometimes you will have to make compromises, but there are also ways to compensate for them to make them more tolerable.
So glad to hear you're meeting new beautiful people :)
Love you Little Sis
PS, Been meaning to share this with you for a while now. Remember back when you posted all those pictures of the kind of house you wanted? Look up pictures of Cob style houses. Apparently they are pretty cheep and easy to make. And the possibilities are nearly endless.