Lord of Beginnings

"Pollenectar" by Geoglyphiks

Well, here we go. Another blog to keep track of. But I think I'll feel better here... despite being "away" from familiar faces.

I just feel so tired of Spiritual Forums. About three years ago I stumbled across it in the midst of my research, and it's contributed vastly to my growth. However, SF doesn't have anything left to offer me. I only care for a handful of members; the others don't suit my vibration. It's not that I dislike them, because I now understand them to be my "faces" (of course I didn't say that to them - that would probably cause irritation), but many of them are just generally negative in many different ways, and I'd rather not put up with them. Aside from negative (or disrespectful) members, things were just getting... stale. I'd see the same old posts and the same old topics in chat - usually about twinflames, or guides, or higher selves, past lives, or topics relating to readings. There's only so many times you can sit and listen to this stuff before you become bored. 

So I'm moving on from SF as far as posting goes. I'll only stick around to talk to a few members I care about. 

I guess this is what happens when your perspective on things changes drastically. I've said this a number of times back at SF, but it's true. If you would've talked to me in early August, I would be part of the "norm" in regard to spirituality; that is, I would still believe a lot of the "general" knowledge about such things as guides and past lives. I was into the idea of unity at that time, but it was more of an idea at the back of my head. I still preferred my identity.

But then I was basically socked in the face. I received a truckload of very intriguing experiences throughout the month of August: discovering a past life on another planet, finding a dragon protector (Pierre) at my side, learning that Spike was actually Shiva, being told various (shocking) details regarding my personal energy, and a whole bunch of other cool things in dreams and meditation experiences. At the same time, my "soul sister," Lulu, was "coincidentally" experiencing very similar things - from finding out about a different life on that same planet, to adopting a mythical creature as a guide. 

This created a crapload of tension between us. My ego was pissed because Lulu was mirroring me; it didn't like the idea of someone else sharing such similar experiences literally a day or two after me. It felt threatened by this. 

So after a few weeks of working to soothe my ego and Lulu's personal problems, we stumbled upon a new issue: we were beginning to doubt everything that we had just learned about ourselves. It was a miserable experience, because we had grown so attached to these discoveries. I was stubbornly clinging to my truth; I couldn't accept the reason why I would be given all this information, only to have it rudely stripped away. Lulu was gradually accepting "her" reality, and I, aware that we all create our own truths, decided I would still accept all those discoveries as my own. 

"Melody Can Wait" - by meijeanie @ deviantART

But that didn't last.
It's only now I realize it wasn't ever supposed to. As a dreamy Piscean, it hurt to have all these beautiful discoveries (as part of my identity) taken away from me. I adored the idea of living as a mage in some snow world. I adored the idea of having Pierre as a fierce protector. And although I was initially resistant as hell to the idea, I loved having Shiva at my side. 

All that, though, contributed to who I am now. Why did it hurt so much? Because I was changing vibration. "Shedding" is never an easy process. I cried a few times. I was depressed and angry. I didn't understand why things had to change so swiftly - why those discoveries had to be yanked out from under me like a rug.

But then the pieces started to fall into place. The fear, anger, and sadness dissipated, and I began to see the universe - life - in a completely different light. Everything started to become a matter of vibration. I began feeling intensely connected. I was suddenly able to perceive oneness, and how it shaped everything in the world. The beauty of it was overwhelming. I was at peace with knowing that my true identity isn't this skin, but something greater... I was at peace knowing I have no "personal" history as a "piece" of Adonai. I no longer think of myself as a "piece" - just a face.

This is where I am today.
This is a new beginning... so let this blog be the start of something grand. 

"In the beginning, you see yourself as God's devotee. At the next stage, you experience you are part of God - like a ray from the sun or a droplet from the ocean. Finally in Nirvikalpa Samadhi, only one single Self exists; the ancient sages used the term Tat which means 'That.'" 

Finny x