2014 Outlook, part 1

It's that time of year again... 

I broke out my Psychic Tarot Oracle to give myself a light overview of 2014. Of course, I don't do these readings to anticipate what will happen in my future; I simply ask spirit to give me a "theme" to focus on for each month so that I can make the most out of each year. My outlook for 2013 was pretty accurate, and gave me just enough to know where to concentrate my energy in alignment with the forces at work in my life. I'm hoping to do the same for 2014. 

I'm dividing this reading in two parts: the first part simply outlining the "theme" of each month, and the second part delving into more specific areas, such as finance, relationships, career, spiritual development, and so on. 

So for the first part...

January: Fulfillment of Wishes. I was so happy to see this card at the start of my year. I've been going through so much inner/emotional turmoil and stress that it was just so relieving to see that I'll have a chance to have some of my wishes and dreams fulfilled. What this means is: I need to align my energies toward manifestation this month. I need to concentrate on what I really want and express the energy to make it happen, because the universe has my back. 

February: Prosperity Begins. I was delighted to see this come up next! This is a physical card that obviously promises some sort of material abundance. I need to keep focusing on manifestation throughout February in order to make the most out of it, and start tending those seeds I'm planting. 

March: Patience  & Planning. Another physical card that urges me to take the time to ensure I take the necessary steps toward creating the next phase of my life. This will probably be the month I start the process of dropping out of art school, so I need to remember to be patient and do my research to make sure the process goes as smoothly as possible. This card also reminds me to take care of those seeds. 

April: Solitude. This card is a bit too general to glean any specific meaning from, but I think it's enough to remind myself that the theme of April is solitude. It'll probably make more sense to me when April comes around. I need to take the time to look inward and perhaps explore myself a bit more. Who knows? Perhaps this also indicates the month when I move out or start becoming more independent. 

May: Rejoice in Celebration. Another heartwarming emotional card that is as clear as it gets. May is a time of celebration for me. I obviously can't say what I'll be celebrating, but when the time comes, I need to remember to immerse myself in the experience, because it sounds like something big.

June: Sacral Chakra. Seems like I'm going to be working on creativity and sexuality this month. Not much else to glean from this. All I can do is remember to focus on these energies; it could be in the form of creativity/career, or maybe even a relationship... hm. Will have to wait and see.

July: Crown Chakra. Two chakra cards back-to-back... how interesting. Seems like July will be centered around higher consciousness and spirituality. Sounds exciting. I wonder if this is related to the events of June - maybe a progression or evolution of sorts. 

August: Awareness. Yep. Seems like a progression of sorts. A series of events/experiences that open me up to awareness and clarity? This looks more like a month of observation than action... yet the card speaks so much more than that - almost like an awakening, or opening up to a greater state of being. 

September: Intuition. Like a few other cards, a big general, since I use my intuition all the time. I guess I'm assuming something going on this month will require some serious intuitive work. Could be "big stuff" occurring that will result in a battle between logic/rationality and intuition. That's the impression I get, anyway. 

October: Memories of Love. Looks like I may be getting a little nostalgic this month. Someone from my past may resurface and the feelings I receive from this "reunion" will probably encourage me to reflect on how my emotional life is. I need to remind myself to remain in balance emotionally.

November: Material Harvest. Ah. There it is. So the seeds I planted in the beginning of the year will have fruit for the taking late in the year. Already, I'm anticipating those "lessons" of faith and trust.. having to deal with my parents and convince them I'll be well off - trying to trust that I will be abundant at the right time. What's interesting is that this material abundance occurs right around the time my parents will be preparing to move overseas - assuming, of course, that that still happens. We still have no idea. But it's comforting to know that I'll have abundance in some form this year. 

December: Passion Ignited. I get the feeling this is closely tied with Material Harvest, but dang, what a lovely card to end the year with. There's such an ecstasy associated with this image that really reassures me that I'll truly find and live my passions. Yes, I have to work through the nasty/tedious/scary stuff first, but it's clear that this beautiful light is at the end of the tunnel, and now that I know it's there, I'm that much more eager to work on my issues so that I can finally live the life I've always dreamed of. 

Now for the numerology of this reading... 9 and 1 came up the most, with 9 representing completion, endings, transition, and accomplishment, and 1 representing self, unity, beginnings, willpower, courage, and initiation. Beginnings and ends... isn't that fascinating? It's also completely accurate. I expect 2014 to be a year of many transitions and lots of self-work. The ends will be based around me leaving an old chapter of my life: going to art school, being dependent on my parents. The beginnings will be based on me starting a new chapter: being independent, learning to thrive in this society, and working toward my passions. 

I kept saying the theme of 2013 for me was adventure. Although I do feel I could've been a lot more adventurous, I have no regrets for this year. I did what I felt I needed to do. I went to school for the first half of the year, and then spent time at home to reflect on myself for the second half. I'm going to write up a 2013 reflection after my second reading post so I can have a better idea of what I accomplished... but looking ahead, I feel the theme of 2014 is, as the cards suggest, transition. Transition will lead to many changes, and therefore many fears, but I have to remind myself that I'm strong, and devoted, and eager to live the life I'm here to live. I can handle whatever comes my way.    

Yule

by nieblastocks @ deviantART

Well, the weather certainly is suited for Yule/winter solstice today. The rain from yesterday blew in a cold front, and now it feels like 22 degrees with all the wind out there (which is apparently something like -5.5 degrees for out-of-country folks). That makes me a little miffed, because I wanted to spend a little while outside today... just for the sake of connecting with nature during this significant time. At least the sun is shining.

I had a very interesting night. Before I went to bed, I programmed my picture jasper with the intent of recalling my dreams in great detail and put it under my pillow with my quartz, lapis, and angelite. But once again, I was very restless in my sleep, so I would wake every hour or few hours, only to recall this one piece of a dream. It soon got to be 7 AM, and I woke remembering one significant image from my dream: seeing a dark-haired woman dressed in white with a knife, ready to kill my dad. 

I mean... whoa.
Now, to touch on the cards I pulled from yesterday.. they basically told me that my dreams would be based on new beginnings, potential, adventure, perfect timing, divine inspiration/guidance, and following the path that has been laid out for me. And when I think about it, that one image I woke up remembering was the perfect "message." A woman in white... white representing the purity of spirit, spiritual perfection. Killing my dad. Why? Because my dad is the only obstacle standing on the path to my contentment. My mom shares his view on wanting me to stay in school and get a degree, find a stable job, etc., but she's much too passive and submissive and doesn't really say much about it unless it's brought up. 

So yes. Mother Night delivered the one sole image I needed to see. 

Today's draw is based on Yule, which marks the beginning of the sun's reappearance. As such, the card I draw will give advice on how to best connect with the light within and around me. That card is Nine of Water - Lakshmi, who represents prosperity, emotional and spiritual abundance, creative fertility, and spiritual harmony/enlightenment.

I'd say this is also kind of fitting. There is a sense of spiritual peace and wisdom about this card... I feel like it's reminding me of my true nature, since I haven't been connected with it lately. I haven't been feeling it. So I think that's my answer: to feel the prosperity, abundance, and fertility that I am, to be aware of the light that I am. 

Works for me.

In other news, I have a few things to do today, including tidying up my bathroom and wrapping a couple of gifts. My brother drives in tomorrow at noon (he's leaving at around 10 PM tonight) and will be with us a couple days past New Year's, I believe, so today's pretty much the last day of privacy I have until then. I just have to remind myself to enjoy my brother's company and to not get too pissed when I find myself lacking on introvert time. 

Also, I'm a bit flustered with Amazon right now, because it's making me want to buy things, and I really don't want to spend the money, because I need to save it. However, it's marking down a few items I've been keeping my eye on, such as a couple card decks and an expensive but lovely statue of Shiva that decreased $16 in price. Gahh. 

And speaking of card decks... I stumbled upon a freaking beautiful deck called the Mary-El tarot, which is a bit grotesque but wonderfully surreal and somewhat dark. And I like "darker" cards. The light and fluffy ones do me no good. The only thing about the Mary-El, though, is that it's $26, because it comes in a nice box and everything. There are a few cards in the deck - specifically the minor arcana - that are a little plain to me, such as the Seven of Wands (a wolf face?), the Four of Swords, and the Seven of Cups. But the rest are freaking lovely. Click the link if you're interested in seeing the cards (thank goodness the artist had the courtesy of posting them all). 

I was also on the lookout for a dragon-themed deck, but I wasn't satisfied with the ones that have been published. I was originally looking at the Dragons Tarot, which had some nice illustrations; however, I couldn't resonate well with the imagery and what it symbolized. The other dragon decks were either illustrated in a style I didn't like or were too plain. I'm kind of tempted to just make my own when I start creating decks, although I'm going to need a lot of dragon anatomy practice...

The last deck I was introduced to recently is the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, although I haven't completely decided whether I resonate with this one. I like the bold, graphic imagery of this deck, but there's not enough detail in there for me. So it's just wishlisted for now. 

That Mary-El tarot... *whistles*
I'll tell you something else, though. I'm actually waiting for a deck that I resonate so freaking well with. The only thing is, it's a work in progress. It's called the Dreams of Gaia Tarot, and it's being drawn/designed by the same artist who illustrated my Mythic Oracle deck. Click this link for a sample of the Gaia deck - it's so beautiful. Unfortunately, the artist, Ravynne, claims it probably won't be published until late 2013 due to health problems she's had and whatnot. 

It's going to be hard to wait for that one, but I suppose Mary-El can keep me company until then. I just have to wait until I have some extra funds to buy that one.

Jesus. Freaking cards, man. They get you hooked. 

Anywho. I guess I'm off to take advantage of some less-populated servers before getting my tasks done today.        

That Didn't Last Long

"Firebrand" by Kimberley Petrie

So yesterday I sat down with Threnody and inched my way through about 800 words before I realized there was no way in hell I was going to reach 50,000 when I didn't know what the crap I was talking about. 

I just have a really hard time trying to write a story without any information. I mean, even though Nanowrimo is about quantity, not quality, I still want the story to be kind of complete plot and world-wise, so it does me no good to just BS my way through, writing whatever comes to mind. 

So I'm putting aside Threnody to work on in the future and falling back on Crucible, which is my biggest, dearest, most thoroughly thought-out project I have. I started it when I was sixteen, and it's changed quite a bit over the last three years - it was basically evolving with me. Essentially, it still has the same themes, but after working on it on-and-off for the past few years, I still haven't found the best way to tell such a story. I see that as a good thing, because it means whenever I do finish this story, it'll be fabulous. It'll have an impact or make a difference. It might not be as big as Harry Potter or - cringe - Twilight, but at least I'll be happy knowing that I took the time to make it as perfect as possible, rather than rushing through it just for the sake of making a profit. 

Which leads me to wonder... how many authors today spend years on their work? I'm not much of a reader - not because I dislike reading, but because I'm usually doing other things - so I don't keep on top of what authors do in today's day and age. J.K. Rowling spent five years working on Harry Potter. But she had technically already been writing for the majority of her life, so she had the experience. Tolkien spent over ten years working on Lord of the Rings, although I understand he had been world-building for about thirty years. However, these two were writing before the "extreme digital age," where it wasn't as easy to get published. 

I guess I should do a bit of research on this. I understand self-publishing is a big thing now, so because of that, I would imagine people don't spend as much time turning their projects into something seriously beautiful. 

I want my projects to be quality ones. When I was younger, I was fixated on "publishing young" and publishing fast. I wanted my work out there ASAP, but of course I never got anywhere because I didn't put much thought into what I was actually writing. I assumed I could just write and that it would all come to me.

Good writing requires effort. It requires research, hours upon hours of note-taking and contemplation. It requires countless drafts and the willingness to scrap things that don't work, despite possibly having an attachment to them. It requires work. Do you need to write well to become a best-seller? Of course not. Twilight is a perfect example of that. I'll give Meyer a break, though - I don't enjoy bashing the work of others. 

So yeah. Crucible seems to be the project I need to focus on right now, so that's what I'll stick with for Nano. I'm trying to get as much writing in as possible this weekend because I know my weekdays won't allow me to write as much...

In other news, I did a sun meditation today. I didn't actually go outside, because it was a bit chilly, but in autumn/winter, the sun floods my room, so I sat and basked in it. Took in its healing light for several minutes. Then, I moved out of the sun, kept my eyes closed, and experieced this weird "shift" where my inner eye was flooded with violet/lavender (compliment of yellow), and I felt like I was receding into myself. It was weird, but cool. So I focused on this sensation of being "inside my mind." Might do this daily if I can, because I could use the sunlight. 

My card readings are coming along. Psychic Tarot is probably the easiest one to use for most requests because it can pretty much apply to anything, and offers a bit more specific detail than my other decks. Gita is really meant only for wisdom/guidance, and Mythic Oracle tends to be really general, so I might need to start focusing on the energies of these deities and figures to see what they have to say. Same with Fallen Angels, because I've noticed that the few readings I gave with this deck - well, people weren't resonating as much with the information. I suppose I just need more practice to get accustomed to the cards.

Eight more days of class. Holy crap.

Evaah 

Procrastination

"Materia - Air" - by Patricia Ariel

I need to be working on my last few storyboards, but I need to jot this stuff down before I forget.             

I'll first mention that my Mythic Oracle deck arrived today. They're pretty nifty. Nice illustrations (I loooove the ones for Apollo, Helios, and Orpheus), but a skim deck. Only 45 cards, so I think I'll use them as "guide" type cards or for more general topics... like "whose energy should you call on today" kind of thing. I don't know why they only included 45 cards, since many oracle decks have about 60-70. And there are hundreds of characters in Greek mythology. 

The skimness is really my only complaint. So yeah. I'll be using these four decks in the meantime until I come across some others that are fabulous. I've been using Psychic Tarot for most of my readings for the peeps at SF, so that one responds best to my energy right now. The only problem I'm having with these decks is that because of their material and the way they're manufactured, they split easily into "sections," and it's a little annoying for the way I draw cards. Sometimes I wonder if it's a genuine pick, but I'm still technically selecting them based on intuition. Hmm...

On another note, yesterday was our first below-40 degree day thanks to Frankenstorm Sandy (for my out-of-country readers, that's about 4 degrees). Sandy helped bring in a cold front, along with some seriously gusty winds. I got to wear a scarf for the first time this season, but I tried to actually enjoy the cold. It was only tolerable because the sun was shining, though.

Nanowrimo starts on Thursday, and I'm a teensy bit frustrated because I'll still have 2.5 weeks of school and final projects to blast through before being able to fully focus on my writing. But hey. I'll reach those 50,000 words, even if I have no idea where this story is going to go.
And speaking of Thursday, I'm still debating what I want to do for Halloween/Samhain. I was thinking about going to P&D for their night of divination, but that's an activity that runs 8-10 PM and I do have school the following day. I was thinking about just staying indoors and watching a Supernatural marathon in the dark like I did last year, but I kinda want to do something more Samhain-y or Halloween-y this year. Maybe if I'm not too busy I'll do some readings with the assistance of some lovely entities (since the veil IS thinnest then... hahaha). 

I was a little disappointed to have a garage fail today. It's not a big deal; the only reason I'm disappointed is because this demand wasn't halfhearted. I really put my effort into this manifestation last night when I was winding down with Luci (although I didn't really do it this morning like I usually do). I'm not sure if that's the actual reason it didn't work... but I would think it would, because I was very passionate about it.

So now I wonder if there's something more to this whole manifestation thing - like areas of life we can't control. I used to believe that before, but then I got smacked with ultra-creator-confidence. It does make some sense based on the conversations I've been having with Adonai. If life went 100% according to your plan, then there would be no room for any kind of growth. It's through some kind of pain or suffering that we are able to expand into something greater. I mean, I'm obviously not in pain for having to park on the second level of the parking deck, but it does make me wonder... does this "no-go" approach apply to every aspect of life? 

It's definitely something I need to talk with Adonai about. 

A last tidbit before I go and do storyboarding homework: I stumbled across a wonderful pianist named Brian Crain yesterday. "Fire" was the first song I heard from him, and it reminded me of Luci. If you guys dig relaxed/emotional piano pieces, go check him out. He makes some awesome stuff. Here's "Fire:"

Finny   

Splurging

And by that I mean... I may have bought a fourth oracle deck. Hahaha. But I had to! It was cheap and it's something else I resonate very well with: Greek mythology. 

And of course... the artwork is lovely. Apollo - one of the Greek deities I resonate most with - is rendered very beautifully, although I was a little disappointed with how the artist chose to depict Hades, who is also one I resonate well with (a cloaked guy with a cane? Come on...). I was also happy to find Orpheus in there, and Thanatos (although I'm not a huge fan of his depiction either). 

My first self-made deck was a Greek myth one, but as my truth shifted and changed, I began resonating more with another deck. It'll be nice to have actual faces to look at now.

Which brings me to my next point: my Gita deck arrived today! I like to think that I manifested this... because I did apply the effort. I sat and visualized it in the mail, and the intense joy of having it... and it was there when I got home. Funny, because when I got back from seeing Argo (which was a pretty good film), my mom asked me to check the mail because she didn't want the people across the street to stare at her again (our neighbors are having their siding replaced). So it was even more of a gift to open my mailbox and see that lovely package in there. 

And oh my Adonai. It's freaking beautiful. I wasn't expecting such a high-quality deck. I mean, I knew I would love it anyway, because I adore Hindu art and deities, but I figured that, because they were $11.50, they would be cheaply made. There are 68 cards in this deck. The Mythic/Greek Oracle I just bought was $13 for 45 cards that aren't as beautifully illustrated (the illustrations themselves are fine, but the rest of the card design is mediocre). But no. I open up my Gita deck and wow. Stunning. The cards aren't as thick as the Psychic Tarot, but I like that because it makes them easier to handle... and they're made with good material. The printing is fabulous, too. I can't believe I paid just over $10 for this. 

I only have two minor complaints for this deck: 1.) that they are front and back; one side features the illustration and the title/motto, and the back features the matching verse in original Sanskrit, romanized Sanskrit (I believe) and English; and 2.) some of the featured verses are very Bible-esque. Most of them aren't, though... just wise snippets. But others basically have Krishna behaving as the Bible depicts Jesus - saying things like "make everything you do a sacrifice to me," or "turn away from everything else and focus only on me." Now, I haven't read the Bhagavad Gita (obviously), so I'm not sure how this whole conversation between Krishna and Arjuna works out. Despite the symbolism that Krishna may stand for, I'm still not entirely happy about the message of "put your faith and trust in a specific identity/character that is beyond you." But once again, I know very little about Hinduism and its branches, so there's probably a lot I'm missing. 

My complaint regarding #1 only bothers me because I like to keep the card a "secret" until I finish drawing all the others. I keep them face-down like everyone else. But the backs of these have the verse AND the title/motto on them, so if I set them face-down, I'll still know the content of the card. This isn't a huge deal, because I don't look at the cards as I draw them. I'm only complaining about this mildly because I like to keep the reading as full of suspense as possible. Lol.

There's a big reason - or even a couple of reasons - why I've been so intensely drawn to oracle cards again. In fact, now that I think about it, the urge to get into them again came out of freaking nowhere, which is my indicator that it's significant. Before, I used to treat the cards as a mere tool or medium through which my higher guidance could give me information, but now I see them as their own "conscious entity." I feel drawn to develop an actual relationship with my cards this time. Maybe that's why my self-made ones feel dull. It's amazing.. the cards have been talking to me. They tell me more specific details and seem to have a mind of their own. Really cool stuff.

I am a happy duck. And I'm very grateful for what I have. I am abundant... 

Finny   

Fume Headaches

So I spent my whole day anticipating my new oracle cards. It was practically torture. It was almost like UPS knew how excited I was, because they normally come midday to early afternoon, but today, the guy came at 6:30 PM. 

That's all behind me now, of course, because they're here, and they're fabulous. I'm satisfied with my purchases... so now I'm just sitting and waiting for my Gita deck, which I'm sure will be my favorite for obvious reasons. Amazon told me it shipped today, but I still can't track it yet, so... I'm still hoping I receive a pleasant surprise tomorrow, especially since I'm not going to P&D (I realized I had a lot more storyboarding homework than I initially expected). 

The Psychic Tarot deck is pretty nifty. I like the illustrations, even if they are kind of standard. Half of them appear to be inspired by medieval times, while half are more new-agey. I don't care much for the medieval ones, but I like them enough. I was also pleasantly surprised to find that they are purple on the backs and edged with gold (purple & gold = win). I also enjoy the tarot-oracle hybrid style... The major Arcana were renamed, and the minor Arcana were replaced by colors, which I like, because it helps me understand the emphasis of the card (red for physical, green for emotional, etc.). My only complaint for this deck so far is that it's a little hard to handle. The cards are wide and a little thick, which makes shuffling difficult. Even my method of drawing cards is a bit challenging with this deck (I don't shuffle and deal like most others; instead, I hold the deck in my hands and let my intuition guide me to a certain "side" of the deck, where I'll then split it, put aside one half, and draw the card on top. I feel more satisfied with the cards this way because I know it was my intuition that guided me... seems less like random pulling). 

So yeah. Thumbs up for Psychic Tarot so far, other than that one complaint.

The second deck I purchased, Fallen Angels, is my favorite of the two so far (until Gita arrives... lol). Just look at that art, yo. Very visually striking. As expected, they did a good job assigning attributes to the angels. I was very excited to find Marchosias in there, too, because I adore Marchosias. There's a good balance between positive and negative cards, although I do admit it's difficult for me to keep up with the angels themselves. Half the names I don't know how to properly pronounce... and I'm only familiar with a handful of them. But it'll come with time and practice. 
I also dig the size and thinness of these cards. They're easier to shuffle (if I need to shuffle) and handle. My only complaint is just a matter of unfamiliarity with the cards, because the names are hard to memorize and many of them share similar characteristics. Oh - and it's better to use these cards for more serious matters. They're not ideal for, say, spiritual progress and fluffy topics. These guys are best suited for plain old life and its drama.I mean, they can be used for any topic, but interpretation gets a little tricky for fluffier ones.

What I found interesting with the Fallen Angel deck is that I could receive impressions of what these entities were telling me. I was doing my first reading with this deck for a guy at SF - he asked about this girl who expressed interest in him and what he should do about the situation (because she's apparently "stalling") and the card I drew to represent the present was Focalor, who's associated with turmoil and madness. When I was typing up the description, I heard a quiet voice "say" distinctly in my mind: "This is crazy. Don't waste your time." 

I kind of had to laugh, because I've referred to myself as angel-deaf all these years... yet the moment I start working with the wise entities of the darkness, I can "hear" them easily. I know what some people are probably thinking, so I'll say: just let it go. I respect your truth, so please respect mine.

So I spent my evening doing a few readings for the peeps at SF who are interested. Good results so far. But now I have a semi-headache from the potent "new cards" fumes... you guys probably know what I'm talking about. But it's worth it. 

Aww. I missed card reading. So much fun. I always love to see which cards pop up... 

Finny 

 

Cards, Cards, Cards

Soooo. I just bought myself another beautiful deck that made me fangirl: the Gita deck (wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita). If you click the link, you'll see why I fangirled. I'm not sure how I missed that deck before; probably because it's referred to as a "divination deck."

So now I'll have a deck with some Shiva cards in it. Awww man. I am excited. Unfortunately, they won't be arriving until Monday... but I'll cross my fingers and hope for early delivery (it happens occasionally).

I was originally looking up tarot decks, because I thought: "Well, hey. If I resonate with the art of a deck well enough, I'll consider buying one and learning it." But I couldn't find any on Amazon that I really liked (and were reasonably priced). There's one called Nefertari's Tarots that is Egyptian-styled and covered in gold (I loooove gold), but it's freaking $36. For good reason, of course, because the gilded gold style makes them really pretty. Other than that one, though, there weren't really any that screamed out to me. Shadowscapes is a lovely and elegant deck, but it's not for me, either.

So I kinda took that as a sign to avoid tarot right now. I never really resonated with it - I think because they seemed too much like playing cards to me, what with the wands and pentacles and cups. Kind of stiff, rigid, and repetitive... whereas oracle allows more room for creativity with different kinds of themes. Yes, the messages are a bit more general and straightforward, but depending on the theme, you can actually intuit a lot of information from them. I like to use them in conjunction with spirit art for that reason. And it got me thinking - maybe that's the reason why I was guided to work with oracle cards before I got into spirit art. Although I don't dislike the idea, I would prefer to be able to fully interpret my art for people. Every other spirit/psychic artist I know is able to do this, so why can't I? 

I've already had a few people tell me there isn't a problem with this. And... I don't necessarily see it as a problem. It's just that I need to depend on a secondary source to elaborate details to the sitter, and that frustrates me a little. I either have to rely on my interpreters or use my cards to give a more specific direction. Of course, this only applies to channeled work or spirit portraits (sometimes). Aura stuff I'm pretty good at because it's straightforward and not very symbolic. 

I'm not sure if this is something that just comes with practice or what. Maybe it relates to my lack of sensitivity. And I was wondering - from my previous post - that perhaps it might not be all pineal calcification. I still do have a teensy fear of the unknown, only because I don't know what to expect. I never had those "childhood scares" that every psychic/medium and their mother experienced... you know - seeing the ghost of your grandma or a complete stranger at the foot of your bed. The only "scare" I recall was based on my ability to astral project with ease. The sensation of spiraling back down to my body freaked me out after numerous times, so I guess I subconsciously rejected the skill. But I never knew what that was. 

So yeah. Not seeing things with my physical eyes has been both a blessing and curse. I want to see the richness of spirit all around me, but there's still that sliver in the back of my mind that's thinking: "What is it like? Will I see 'things'?" And by things, I mean the "stuff" that people often report, such as shadows lurking and faces staring at you as you sleep. Who knows, though? It might be different for me. Maybe I should consult the wisdom of the darker realms for help... to see things from their perspective. 

On a completely unrelated note, it astounds me to see how animals can guide us. I've been working on my research journal every day and these past couple of days I've been taking notes on animal totems and symbolism... it's very intriguing. It makes me wonder if that's why we included animals on this planet - not to consume them, but to learn from them. It's so freaking cool to think about, especially when you consider that each animal has its own peculiarities that distinguish it from other species. From turtles with their protective shells to swans and their companionship... there's so much symbolism embedded in these creatures.

I was delighted to discover that my Celtic animal sign is a snake. Prefer that much more than a rooster. I freaking love snakes. I think I might like one in the future... a leucistic one would be awesome, like a ball python (I believe rat snakes are aggressive). 

Aghhh. I hope that Gita deck comes early. 

Finny