Musings on a Solstice Sun

It seems so strange. 
12/21/2012, yet it feels like any other ordinary day. I guess what I mean is that we've been waiting so long for this day, and now that it's finally here, it's like: what now? Whether you're into the "shift" or "new age" or just shrugged it off as another day, it will soon be the 22nd for the rest of us here in the Americas, and life will go on. Many will look back and laugh about how we made such a big deal about this date. Some will take note of profound spiritual experiences; others will remember a day of getting wasted or even just sitting in class. 

As for me... my day proceeded just like I mentioned this morning. I played a bit of MS. Cleaned my bathroom. Wrapped those two presents (and put them under my baby Yule tree downstairs). Worked on some Winterspell character development. Helped my mom unpack a buttload of groceries. Chilled. 

I don't know what I was expecting to happen. I didn't want to be that hopeful, but just like an acquaintance of mine was somewhat hoping the rapture would be today, I was somewhat hoping that something "big" would happen to me today. Some kind of awakening or energetic shift that would change the way I perceive the world. Then again, the day's not over yet. I know it may be silly - getting all hopeful about this one date - but a girl can dream, right?

Meh. It's not a huge deal. But it's just a little depressing, I suppose, because all the "spiritual" folks I keep up with put such an emphasis on the shift, ascension, the new age, the Age of Aquarius, oneness, and galactic alignment, and many of them were reporting having these cool energetic experiences or blissful meditations; meanwhile, I'm sitting here doing what I've been doing for the past few weeks. 

But hey. This is my life, and my perspective, and no one else will experience this moment in the same way, so I should be happy with what I have.

On a somewhat related note, I came across a quote on tumblr that I feel is very applicable to not only something I've been thinking about, but something that should be kept in mind for all those who praise the "shift":

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work: sacredly, secretly, and silently - and those with 'eyes to see and ears to hear' will respond.

It's true. I actually need to accept this as a reminder for myself. Although my "work" takes place on a creative level, I still need to remember to focus on the act of creating and not on the act of forcing people to accept a new perspective. If change is meant to be dramatic, then it'll be dramatic. Otherwise, it will proceed slowly and steadily, unfolding just as its meant to be, with one person affecting many others, and so on. So there's no rush. 

..I came across two more tarot decks this morning which really caught my eye. They're both pagan/earthy: the Druid Craft Tarot and the Wildwood deck. I love Pagan/nature/Wiccan decks as much as I love darker decks, so I was very happy to find these... and they're both about $13! Agh. Very tempted to buy those. Perhaps if I receive some money for Christmas, I'll spend it on those two decks (or the Mary-El... ooh. This'll be difficult). If not, then... I guess I'll wait till March or something, when my birthday rolls around. I suppose I can wait three or so months.

A couple things I wanted to mention before I proceed with my evening: apparently, my brother and his friend decided to leave earlier. He got off of work today at 1 PM or so; he and his friend were originally supposed to sleep and leave late tonight to arrive at noon tomorrow, but they both agreed they were good and just decided to leave early. They left about 2 hours ago (2 PM), so we're thinking he'll show up here at midnight... possibly later, depending on holiday traffic and cops. I wonder if I should bother going to bed at all, since I'll probably have an even more restless night knowing he's on his way.

And last... Leon-cat. He's getting more and more... comfy with us. Now, when I say  "comfy," I don't mean that he's interested in being close to us. I mean that he's stopping by more frequently. It started last night when my mom went to go turn on the back light for my dad, who was coming home. She just so happened to look down and noticed Leon-cat's face at the screen door. And it was dark. 6 PM. He has never showed up in the dark. 

Then, this morning, he shows up at 9:30. I feed him, and he eventually wanders off. Mom comes home with groceries at around one, and he shows up again. So she feeds him. And now, just twenty minutes ago, he shows up a third time, although he didn't entirely finish his food (a bit of kibble left). 

I wish I could sit down with him and try to determine his "story," but I haven't had the chance because it's hard to do with my mom hovering and baby-talking him. Hmm. 

Now we're wondering if he's going to show up in another 3-4 hours. Lol. 

I guess I should enjoy the last several hours of my privacy before my brother comes in tonight.    
 

Yule

by nieblastocks @ deviantART

Well, the weather certainly is suited for Yule/winter solstice today. The rain from yesterday blew in a cold front, and now it feels like 22 degrees with all the wind out there (which is apparently something like -5.5 degrees for out-of-country folks). That makes me a little miffed, because I wanted to spend a little while outside today... just for the sake of connecting with nature during this significant time. At least the sun is shining.

I had a very interesting night. Before I went to bed, I programmed my picture jasper with the intent of recalling my dreams in great detail and put it under my pillow with my quartz, lapis, and angelite. But once again, I was very restless in my sleep, so I would wake every hour or few hours, only to recall this one piece of a dream. It soon got to be 7 AM, and I woke remembering one significant image from my dream: seeing a dark-haired woman dressed in white with a knife, ready to kill my dad. 

I mean... whoa.
Now, to touch on the cards I pulled from yesterday.. they basically told me that my dreams would be based on new beginnings, potential, adventure, perfect timing, divine inspiration/guidance, and following the path that has been laid out for me. And when I think about it, that one image I woke up remembering was the perfect "message." A woman in white... white representing the purity of spirit, spiritual perfection. Killing my dad. Why? Because my dad is the only obstacle standing on the path to my contentment. My mom shares his view on wanting me to stay in school and get a degree, find a stable job, etc., but she's much too passive and submissive and doesn't really say much about it unless it's brought up. 

So yes. Mother Night delivered the one sole image I needed to see. 

Today's draw is based on Yule, which marks the beginning of the sun's reappearance. As such, the card I draw will give advice on how to best connect with the light within and around me. That card is Nine of Water - Lakshmi, who represents prosperity, emotional and spiritual abundance, creative fertility, and spiritual harmony/enlightenment.

I'd say this is also kind of fitting. There is a sense of spiritual peace and wisdom about this card... I feel like it's reminding me of my true nature, since I haven't been connected with it lately. I haven't been feeling it. So I think that's my answer: to feel the prosperity, abundance, and fertility that I am, to be aware of the light that I am. 

Works for me.

In other news, I have a few things to do today, including tidying up my bathroom and wrapping a couple of gifts. My brother drives in tomorrow at noon (he's leaving at around 10 PM tonight) and will be with us a couple days past New Year's, I believe, so today's pretty much the last day of privacy I have until then. I just have to remind myself to enjoy my brother's company and to not get too pissed when I find myself lacking on introvert time. 

Also, I'm a bit flustered with Amazon right now, because it's making me want to buy things, and I really don't want to spend the money, because I need to save it. However, it's marking down a few items I've been keeping my eye on, such as a couple card decks and an expensive but lovely statue of Shiva that decreased $16 in price. Gahh. 

And speaking of card decks... I stumbled upon a freaking beautiful deck called the Mary-El tarot, which is a bit grotesque but wonderfully surreal and somewhat dark. And I like "darker" cards. The light and fluffy ones do me no good. The only thing about the Mary-El, though, is that it's $26, because it comes in a nice box and everything. There are a few cards in the deck - specifically the minor arcana - that are a little plain to me, such as the Seven of Wands (a wolf face?), the Four of Swords, and the Seven of Cups. But the rest are freaking lovely. Click the link if you're interested in seeing the cards (thank goodness the artist had the courtesy of posting them all). 

I was also on the lookout for a dragon-themed deck, but I wasn't satisfied with the ones that have been published. I was originally looking at the Dragons Tarot, which had some nice illustrations; however, I couldn't resonate well with the imagery and what it symbolized. The other dragon decks were either illustrated in a style I didn't like or were too plain. I'm kind of tempted to just make my own when I start creating decks, although I'm going to need a lot of dragon anatomy practice...

The last deck I was introduced to recently is the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, although I haven't completely decided whether I resonate with this one. I like the bold, graphic imagery of this deck, but there's not enough detail in there for me. So it's just wishlisted for now. 

That Mary-El tarot... *whistles*
I'll tell you something else, though. I'm actually waiting for a deck that I resonate so freaking well with. The only thing is, it's a work in progress. It's called the Dreams of Gaia Tarot, and it's being drawn/designed by the same artist who illustrated my Mythic Oracle deck. Click this link for a sample of the Gaia deck - it's so beautiful. Unfortunately, the artist, Ravynne, claims it probably won't be published until late 2013 due to health problems she's had and whatnot. 

It's going to be hard to wait for that one, but I suppose Mary-El can keep me company until then. I just have to wait until I have some extra funds to buy that one.

Jesus. Freaking cards, man. They get you hooked. 

Anywho. I guess I'm off to take advantage of some less-populated servers before getting my tasks done today.        

Luminous

"Dream Eater" - by Helen Rusovich

Whew. Just spent the last 12 hours playing my new Luminous character. But just a short while ago, the game began to crash (it's the busiest time for the servers), so I took that as a sign that I needed a break. And I really do - my eyes are a little sore. Haha. 

It's no coincidence that the Luminous job was released now of all times. It just so happens to align with my Crucible plot development, as well as my interest in light versus dark (been exploring the dark lately). Although it's a cliche storyline, I do like what they're emphasizing... the whole "light and dark are two sides of the same coin" thing. Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with the character and his skills. I'm glad they let us use a mix of light and dark magic instead of having to pick one over the other (although I wouldn't mind being all-dark... heh). 

I'm kind of glad that I'm not obsessing over this character, though. That's what happened the last time a really good character came out. In fact, it was exactly a year ago; I spent almost the entirety of my winter break leveling my demon slayer well into the 100s. But this time, I don't feel as driven to spend hours upon hours trying to get all those flashy skills.

Which is well and good, because I keep having to remember that I have gift art to create soon. This is the one thing I can't stand about the winter holidays - gift exchanges. I don't like how we need commercial holidays to encourage us to give to others. We should be giving all year long. I don't like the pressure of having to buy or make something for friends and family just because a holiday says I should be doing it. That's why I wasn't too happy when my closest friend called me up the other day and asked me what I wanted for Christmas - because I knew that meant I would have to spend money and/or energy returning the favor... and all because of this commercial holiday.

And because I have to save my money, the only thing I can give is art, which I suppose is a nice gift because it's more personal and meaningful. But that means a lot of energy spent for me. I'm not saying my friends/family are unworthy of my energy - I'm saying that I don't like how this season has coerced us into thinking it's something mandatory. 

I was even thinking today about how I regret offering to draw my brother's new car as his gift. He couldn't come up with something else for me to draw, so I just told him I'd draw his car. If he hadn't already gotten me a gift, I would've just dropped the idea, because I'm not a fan of drawing cars. 

I'm kind of hoping that we don't have any other family over because that would mean I'd have to draw for them, too. It's gotten to the point where they expect it from me. Not a very pleasant feeling. 

Fortunately, I think I only have to draw for 3 people: my brother, my best friend, and someone on deviantART (secret santa event). I don't know what I'm drawing for my best friend yet; she described something quite peculiar over the phone that I have to admit I'm not too enthusiastic about, but I told her to write it down for me, and she hasn't yet. So I don't know. I didn't exactly tell her what I wanted, either. Maybe it'll slip by unnoticed... then again, I'm seeing her next weekend. Hm.

Crapcakes. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a grinch or something. I'm not against gift-giving. I just don't like how we've all been manipulated into feeling obligated to give on one specific day of the year. The feelings behind Christmas gift-giving are so... artificial. 

Speaking of gifts, though - I'm expecting my BoS deck tomorrow. Oh, wait - never mind. It'll probably be here Friday, because it's in New Jersey right now. Hmm. I'm probably going to do another round of card readings to practice with it and my Archeon deck - astrological and annual ones. I finished making a reference sheet today, and I have to say... it seems a lot easier to read with tarot. Haha. I'm curious to see how well I work with them.

I've been thinking about some things, but I'll save them for another post. For now, I think I'm going to finish this episode of Merlin, and then indulge in season 7 of How I Met Your Mother, which was recently released on Netflix. Oh yeah.

Evaah

 

Tarot Time

So I received my Archeon deck today, along with my Alex Grey calendar. I spent some time looking through the cards, seeing which ones I resonated well with. The cards themselves are a lot smaller than I had anticipated; they're packaged like playing cards. I'm glad I only spent $13 on them. 

Although I do like the art, and can resonate with the major arcana, the minor arcana cards are a little hard to interpret without any knowledge of tarot. I'm not a big fan of tarot for this reason. That's why I was so drawn to the Book of Shadows tarot - because it's a theme I resonate with, and the deck itself is only based on standard tarot. The minor arcana consists of the four elements, which is much better for me to understand than wands, cups, swords, and pentacles. 

And speaking of the BoS tarot - I just bought it. Haha. I had to. It had decreased in price and I wanted to jump on it before it went back up again. $17. However, that'll be the last card deck I buy for a long while. I need to save my money for more important things. Plus, after BoS arrives, I'll have 6 decks, and that's enough for me. 

The only problem is, the deck I ordered is a standalone deck, and I don't think it comes with a book. Or, it might come with a smaller booklet. It didn't really say. The BoS deck usually comes as part of a "kit," with a 160 page book, a box, and room to hold the second deck, So Below. But I didn't want a "kit." I just wanted cards and a booklet so I can understand the significance behind the cards (since they're based on Wiccan beliefs). 

If the deck doesn't come with some kind of booklet, I'll probably just have do a bit of research on them to build my own symbolic interpretation. It won't be that big of a deal. 

Back to Archeon, though... I'll probably have to learn the traditional meanings behind the cards - mainly the minor arcana. Otherwise I won't be able to interpret much. Fortunately there is a little booklet which gives me a general idea of what each card means, so I'll probably study that or make a quick reference sheet. I might have to spend some time with these cards doing readings for myself to get familiar with them before actually doing readings with them. 

Really excited for that BoS deck though - hope it doesn't disappoint. 

Was moderately successful with shopping today. Got me a few leather jackets (love), a couple of tops, and skinny jeans, which is really weird for me because I haven't worn jeans in 4-5 years. I find my tastes are changing; I'm wanting to dress more in an androgynous style... something more urban and expressive. Unfortunately, that means more money spent. Eh, whatever. I don't shop for clothes that often anymore.

It'd be nice not to worry about money. 

I suppose I should go do something productive. But knowing me, I'll probably just end up in front of Merlin again. 

E