That Didn't Last Long

"Firebrand" by Kimberley Petrie

So yesterday I sat down with Threnody and inched my way through about 800 words before I realized there was no way in hell I was going to reach 50,000 when I didn't know what the crap I was talking about. 

I just have a really hard time trying to write a story without any information. I mean, even though Nanowrimo is about quantity, not quality, I still want the story to be kind of complete plot and world-wise, so it does me no good to just BS my way through, writing whatever comes to mind. 

So I'm putting aside Threnody to work on in the future and falling back on Crucible, which is my biggest, dearest, most thoroughly thought-out project I have. I started it when I was sixteen, and it's changed quite a bit over the last three years - it was basically evolving with me. Essentially, it still has the same themes, but after working on it on-and-off for the past few years, I still haven't found the best way to tell such a story. I see that as a good thing, because it means whenever I do finish this story, it'll be fabulous. It'll have an impact or make a difference. It might not be as big as Harry Potter or - cringe - Twilight, but at least I'll be happy knowing that I took the time to make it as perfect as possible, rather than rushing through it just for the sake of making a profit. 

Which leads me to wonder... how many authors today spend years on their work? I'm not much of a reader - not because I dislike reading, but because I'm usually doing other things - so I don't keep on top of what authors do in today's day and age. J.K. Rowling spent five years working on Harry Potter. But she had technically already been writing for the majority of her life, so she had the experience. Tolkien spent over ten years working on Lord of the Rings, although I understand he had been world-building for about thirty years. However, these two were writing before the "extreme digital age," where it wasn't as easy to get published. 

I guess I should do a bit of research on this. I understand self-publishing is a big thing now, so because of that, I would imagine people don't spend as much time turning their projects into something seriously beautiful. 

I want my projects to be quality ones. When I was younger, I was fixated on "publishing young" and publishing fast. I wanted my work out there ASAP, but of course I never got anywhere because I didn't put much thought into what I was actually writing. I assumed I could just write and that it would all come to me.

Good writing requires effort. It requires research, hours upon hours of note-taking and contemplation. It requires countless drafts and the willingness to scrap things that don't work, despite possibly having an attachment to them. It requires work. Do you need to write well to become a best-seller? Of course not. Twilight is a perfect example of that. I'll give Meyer a break, though - I don't enjoy bashing the work of others. 

So yeah. Crucible seems to be the project I need to focus on right now, so that's what I'll stick with for Nano. I'm trying to get as much writing in as possible this weekend because I know my weekdays won't allow me to write as much...

In other news, I did a sun meditation today. I didn't actually go outside, because it was a bit chilly, but in autumn/winter, the sun floods my room, so I sat and basked in it. Took in its healing light for several minutes. Then, I moved out of the sun, kept my eyes closed, and experieced this weird "shift" where my inner eye was flooded with violet/lavender (compliment of yellow), and I felt like I was receding into myself. It was weird, but cool. So I focused on this sensation of being "inside my mind." Might do this daily if I can, because I could use the sunlight. 

My card readings are coming along. Psychic Tarot is probably the easiest one to use for most requests because it can pretty much apply to anything, and offers a bit more specific detail than my other decks. Gita is really meant only for wisdom/guidance, and Mythic Oracle tends to be really general, so I might need to start focusing on the energies of these deities and figures to see what they have to say. Same with Fallen Angels, because I've noticed that the few readings I gave with this deck - well, people weren't resonating as much with the information. I suppose I just need more practice to get accustomed to the cards.

Eight more days of class. Holy crap.

Evaah 

Countdown

Well, now that October's basically over (in 2 hours anyway), Nanowrimo will now be the center of my life for the next month. 

Yeah. I take it pretty seriously. I'm kind of fiercely competitive when it comes to word count, too. So I'm going to spring awake tomorrow morning and write as much as I can before I spend the next 6-7 hours at school. I hope I can get a good lead on the writing buddies I have living out in the west. Lol. 

One of the reasons I love Nano so much is because it gets me pumped up for writing. It puts pressure on me, and when I have that pressure - or sense of competition - I will do whatever it takes to achieve my goal. And since writing is something I've wanted to do since I was little, it's nice to know that I can come up with a whole novel in a month (usually less than a month, but in the past four years, I always had a good idea of what I was writing because it had been a project I'd been working on for months in advance - plotwork and whatnot). Plus, I like all the excitement behind it - it's so awesome - yet intimidating - to see so many people wanting to write books of their own. Intimidating because it's scary to think about all the things these people are writing about. Is it anything close to what I'm writing about? What if these people get published? Then I might get someone trying to sue me for inadvertently writing about something similar. Because you know... people love to sue.

It makes me wonder what life would be like if everything truly was paradise. If we still wrote books - and why wouldn't we - would people be so nasty to each other over creative property? Or would we finally just be able to appreciate a good story, even if some elements are inspired by another tale? Same applies to art and music. I would think if it were really peace on Earth, people would just express compassion and appreciation. Some of you might be snickering to yourself, in which case I'll link you to a relevant post on my sister blog. 

But paradise aside, that's why I'm glad I'm in the spiritual fiction department. Not that many people are gutsy enough to attempt to write - or even publish - fiction with a lot of spiritual elements to it. This isn't a matter of "guts" for me, though. This is just something I know I have to do, both for myself and as part of my quest to empower others. Plus, it's something I enjoy. 

So yeah. I had a pretty good day today. Critique went well. Came home and had absolutely nothing to do. Mom got us some sushi, and I curled up in front of a few episodes of Supernatural. Also did a few readings, two of which were for J. I was supposed to knock out a few more on my list, but eh. As long as I do at least one or so a day, I think people will be happy. 

9 days and counting!
Now excuse me while I go figure out how I'm going to start my novel in the morning. 

Evaah  

Magic Journals and Manifestation

"The Book" - by Michael Zancan

I came across a wonderful idea on tumblr: magic journals. 

It's a really simple idea - I'm surprised I didn't come up with it myself. Basically, you write down what you want to manifest... adding thoughts, ideas, pictures, etc., as a means of bringing it into reality. So I'm getting myself yet another new journal for this, which is good because I have so many specific things that I want to manifest, and it's getting a little hard to remember them all. Lately, I've just been focusing on the major desires... 

I've been noticing that manifestation works better when I understand something to have already happened. Before, I was making demands. For instance - with the garage door... I would state: "I expect the garage door to be up when I arrive," and visualize myself seeing the open door. But I tried a new method based on a meditation I did the other night, where you not only visualize yourself with what you want, but know it's already there, and experience the feeling associated with it. So these past three days, I've been doing just that. I'll do the visualization, understand that the garage door is already up, and feel the joy associated with parking on the lower floor (yes, there is much joy to be had). We'll see if it keeps up.

In other news, I just bought myself two oracle decks: Fallen Angels and the Psychic Tarot Oracle. Even though I don't use cards extensively for readings, I do like to use them for confirmation, because certain phrases or words from these cards can often be a "sign" for me (like The Moon and Shiva...). I do like my own decks, but mine aren't even illustrated (waiting for my skill to improve), and since they're made of blank index cards, it can get a little difficult to shuffle and handle them. So I'd like some sturdier decks with themes and illustrations I resonate with. It's funny because I actually did make a fallen angel themed deck for myself, but I got rid of it; I couldn't get the meanings right. So I'm hoping the deck I bought will be much better than mine.
Maybe I'll even offer oracle card mini-readings as a little bonus for spirit art stuff.

I might get an actual tarot deck in the future, but right now, I'm feeling too lazy to try to learn it. I would just do it Squig-style and read the pictures of the cards, but I feel like that would get repetitive after a while. I like to combine reading the image with the general card meaning, so yeah. Will learn tarot in the future. I probably shouldn't expect people to be interested in the fallen angel deck, though. Lol.

I don't know. I've just always had this fascination with the darker realms. I obviously don't believe in hell or demons, but the darkness is always much more interesting than the light - probably because we know what light is like already. I find the darker realm quite beautiful, actually. It really is misunderstood.

And speaking of darker realms, I decided to switch my Nanowrimo topic from my usual big project stuff to something darker. I was going to write the prequel to my main project, but since it's such a big story, it requires a lot more planning and deliberation. So I'm deciding to approach Nano this year the way you're meant to - jumping in with a story from scratch.. rather than something you've been working on for years. 

For those who don't know, Nanowrimo is National Novel Writing Month, which takes place every November. This is my fifth year participating. The goal is to write a 50,000 + word novel by the end of the month... and even though there aren't any big prizes (other than a couple of discounts and a free printed transcript), it's still a wonderful experience, because it reminds me that great novels can be written in a month. Will the novel be good right then and there? Of course not. After all, it's about quantity - not quality. But there are a lot of writers out there who take months - even years - to formuate a draft or two.

So yeah. Seven more days till that starts. Unfortunately I'll be in school for half of it, and then in Louisiana for Thanksgiving, so this will be quite the challenge. I usually have a good understanding of what I'm writing about before I jump in, but this year, I'm basically pulling something out of my arse. I'm calling it Threnody, and it's basically an experimental work (as far as the writing style goes) about an underground (literally and figuratively) culture that chooses to live life a little on the darker side. In other words, they live alongside dark entities and deities and whatnot. I haven't fully fleshed out the idea; I probably won't talk much about it though, because I do have serious intentions of publishing all my work. 

Thirteen days and counting!

Finny x