Festival of Life

by Josephine Wall

Christmas already, huh? It hasn't felt like Christmas for years... so for me, I guess today is more about Yule and celebrating spirit/life. 

I remembered more parts to my dream than usual, but I don't know enough detail to make any sense of them. I did, however, have a bit of a revelation regarding a friendship both in-life and in my dream, just like my Pisces horoscope suggested. I still, however, am not sure what my course of action should be; I suppose I'll consult Leon later for a bit of advice.

Today's draw is for the Festival of Life, which puts an emphasis on how to connect directly to spirit. The card that I drew was Four of Water - Bridget, who is primarily associated with all forms of healing, but also the elements, it seems. The light bursting through the trees... I find this also very applicable, because it's true: I still require healing in a few areas; I also have been connecting more and more with nature because I'm finding myself detaching more from my shell with every week that passes. The light filtering through the trees is a powerful image, too. It's kind of like saying, "You're almost there..." 

Yesterday was a chill day. We went out in the rain and cold to retrieve our sushi/sashimi platter, then our ham for today, and came home to eat, make some food, and play games. Mom and brother enjoyed their gifts, and I now have enough sugar to last me half a year (lol). 

BB's coming over to eat and chill with us for most of the day. I'm really hoping she's not bringing any gifts, because I have nothing for her in return (she never did tell me), and then I would feel obligated to whip something up for her. Freaking commercial holidays, I swear.

Okay. I have to blab about Merlin now, so for those who aren't interested, or for those who don't want spoilers, ignore the rest of this post.

I guess I'll first say: it was a lot better than I had anticipated. Now, I'm actually very unfamiliar with the Arthurian legends. This is actually why I never bothered to give Merlin a try in the past - because the Arthurian legends were never something I had read or been interested in before. So I had no idea that Arthur is supposed to die in the original legend (but I was enlightened by all the people who were commenting on the videos). 

I was misty-eyed - not going to lie. I didn't know whether I wanted happy or sad/realistic, but now that I've watched it a second time, I'm kind of glad it went the way it did. 

BUT - what the hell was with that ending? Is that supposed to be the foreshadowing for some kind of sequel (like the alleged film trilogy)? I mean, I guess it was interesting to see that Merlin still stuck around Avalon hundreds of years later, but that was... peculiar. If that's the basis for the trilogy they've been talking about, then I'm a little hesitant, unless this supposed trilogy is based on the rise of Arthur. 

Now... the episode itself was, like I said above, a lot better than I expected in terms of content. I was wondering how the battle would play out, but Jesus - talk about erratic. I didn't mind so much because I was entirely immersed in the Merthur bromance (oh my holy Shiva), but now that I watched it a second time and had the chance to see exactly how the episode proceeds, I'm a little disappointed. It really did seem like it was thrown together. Morgana's death was pretty anticlimactic, and that whole Gwaine/Percival adventure seemed like a cheap way to kill my favorite knight off. 

I am glad, though, that they went the bromance route. I wasn't expecting 75% of the episode to consist of the journey to save Arthur's life, but I'm quite content with that, because it was bloody moving as hell. I adore the boys' performance in this one. They did really well not only with the bromance, but with Arthur's reaction to the magic, too. That seemed like a fairy realistic reaction considering everything the two have been through. I'm very pleased that the writers gave us the chance to see Arthur witness all Merlin's been doing for him over the years. It was so sweet.

So yeah. I'm not as disappointed as most other fans are, but as far as the actual writing goes, it could've been a lot better. I think they were mainly focused on feeding the rabid fangirls wanting Merthur action (I was totally expecting them to kiss after Arthur said, "Hold me." JESUS), in which case I can't complain, because that's the main reason I watch this show. 

I'm a little sad that it's all over, but I'm just grateful I was able to see the fifth series as it aired in the UK. If it wasn't for those few YT users, I would've had to wait 2-3 months (maybe even longer) for it to be uploaded on Netflix streaming. 

I don't know how long I'll keep rewatching. This is usually how my obsessions go; I'll get really into a show or film and keep rewatching it over and over for weeks at a time until I've finally grown tired of it. It's been a month since I began watching Merlin, and I haven't tired of it yet, so... who knows? Maybe something else will come along. Actually, I still have to keep up with Once Upon a Time, but I think I'll wait until the 2nd season is released on Netflix streaming. 

Thanks for another enjoyable show, BBC. You guys always do so much better than us, even if your endings are disorganized. 

Now I think I'll go work on Winterspell stuff before everyone wakes up... because I probably won't be able to until tomorrow.   

Inhale, Exhale

by emilieleger @ deviantART.com

I am very flustered right now, for two main reasons. 

One, because I just watched the newest episode of Merlin, and two, because I don't know what the hell to do with myself.

Yes. The ending of 5x11 had me flipping out. It's so very exciting. I never imagined I'd be saying this, but I wish it were next week already. I'm going to need so many distractions to keep me from yearning for the 22nd and 24th. I guess I should be grateful that I'm actually able to watch series 5 without waiting until January or February or whenever Netflix plans to release it on streaming. I express my gratitude to the YT user who even made a second account just to be able to give us updates of the newest episodes (the episodes on her original account were deleted). I won't be able to rewatch any of the previous episodes of series 5 until they're available on Netflix, but that's all right.

Oh man. So much adrenaline. I didn't care so much for the actual episode because it was a bit slow and uneventful, but I get why it was necessary. Unfortunately, though, I gave myself a spoiler for the end of the next episode... pah. Oh well. 

I think I just need to remember that this upcoming week is the last week I have to myself before my brother rolls in again on Saturday. After that, I won't have much privacy, because he'll be hovering when he's not occupied with something else. 

Now, regarding the second thing that has me flustered... yes. This has been going on for maybe 2-3 days now, but I don't know what to do with myself, because my energy is scattered. This happens every now and then in what seems like cycles - I'll be intensely productive or interested in something (writing, drawing, playing a certain game, watching some kind of TV or film), and then that productivity and interest fades. I'm then left wondering what to do, despite having the enthusiasm. Right this moment I'm very interested in working on Eron stuff, or playing Sims or something, but the motivation is lacking... as if I know I'll get bored. It's very frustrating because I'm the type of person who always has to be doing something - otherwise, my mood goes down the drain. That's why I'm blogging now... because I need something in which to channel my energy and this was the best option. 

While I'm here, I guess I'll mention something that I've been thinking about ever since I read about it on tumblr: calcified pineal glands. I've mentioned this before but kind of let it go because other things were on my mind. Now that I've stumbled across it again, it's been inhabiting my thoughts.

This tumblr post basically discussed ways to decalcify and activate the pineal gland. It was disheartening to discover that a good majority of things on the list were incorporated into my lifestyle (mainly diet things). Here are some of those things:

•  Cheese, yogurt, ice cream 
• Meat (although sparingly, and rarely - if ever - red meat)
• Soda (I only drink ramune, which is a light soda, and only a few times a month)
• Eggs
• Fish & shrimp, which contain mercury (apparently, mercury is a poison to the pineal)
• Fluoride (in my tap water and current toothpaste, although I plan to switch my toothpaste after it's gone)
• Other toxins such as refined sugar, mouthwash, and deodorant

When you think about it, though, it makes sense. One could argue that it's natural for us to eat meat and fish, but milk products of another animal? Eggs? That definitely seems a bit odd to me. Maybe eggs are a bit more natural to eat (since other animals consume them), but milk products... definitely unnatural. 

I'm in quite the predicament here. Especially since I could never part with fish. I want to give my body a better diet, eating more plant-based foods... but is decalcifying my pineal that important to me? The only reason I would want to do it is so I could reacquire my body's natural sensitivity. 

Now, my stomach is already sensitive. IBS stuff. Sometimes I just deal with the pain to eat what I want. And no matter how much I want to eat a diet mainly consisting of plant-based foods, I still can't help but worry that I'll be too attached to all the stuff I'm accustomed to - especially fish (sushi!) and pasta. I pay close attention to my cravings each day and find that the majority of those cravings (I'd say 90-95%) are for carbs and proteins (mainly carbs). 5% of those cravings are for fruit, veggies, or dairy products like yogurt. If I hardly crave fruits and veggies, how will I convince myself to eat them as much as I eat pasta, sushi, and other proteins/carbs? Is it just something that I'll have to wean myself on? That will take a lot of dedication and strict rules? Probably. That's how it always is, right?

I guess that's where mindful eating comes into play. I've been practicing the art of mindful eating for a while now, and have found that, for the most part, it does prevent me from eating a lot more during the day. Sometimes, not so much. So if I'm aiming for a plant-based diet, will I have to program my body to enjoy that instead? 

I remember reading all those articles about spiritual development/awakening and how one should expect their dietary needs to change drastically during the process. That never really happened with me. Not to a significant degree, anyway. Although I wanted to eat more plant-based foods, my body never demanded it. It was perfectly okay with pasta, fish, eggs, a bit of processed junk, and dairy (at least products that weren't extremely milk-heavy), with fruits and veggies mixed in when desired. Although one big change did happen: I grew less fond of meat.. especially steak. I used to crave steak so often - used to yearn for one after seeing an image - but now I don't think twice about it. 

It's definitely a big question. Maybe if my diet was as horrible as that of many other Americans, this would be more of a deal to me. I don't know if I should just continue following my cravings like I've always done, or make major alterations to my diet, despite having cravings for other things. Most of my cravings are for standard nutrients like proteins, carbs, fiber, vitamin C, etc. Yes, I do occasionally crave something sweet, but not anything that's heavy in fat, like cake (I actually avoid cake now, unless in small doses... can't handle rich sweets that well). Chocolate, of course.

I do know that once mom gets back into her raw diet, I'll be coming with her to the farmer's market and making an investment in foods and snacks that are actually good for me. She's just waiting till all the holiday stuff and trips are over so that she can make solid progress.

Hmmm. Decisions, decisions...

Before I run off and figure out what to do with myself, I wanted to mention that I'm feeling inclined for an artistic challenge of sorts: a drawing a day for 2013. There are many days when I don't draw... especially when I'm on break (for obvious reasons). But I still do want to improve my art skills, and if I'm going to do that, I need to keep practicing outside of school. So yeah. Will keep this in mind... 

Here's another Eron-themed tune from TSFH: "Blizzard," which I feel also suits the story very well:

 

Goddess of the Soul

by escume @ deviantART

Woke up to a bird alarm at my window this morning. It woke me at precisely 8:00. I'm impressed.

I drew a Mythic Oracle card today to see what energy of the Greek pantheon best represented the rest of this week, and was a little surprised by the result: Psyche, who represents sacred union. This card oozes tender love, because Eros is depicted with her, kissing her forehead. I'm not sure what to make of this unless this is a card focusing on self-love. I'd be interested to see what kind of signs and experiences come about during these next few days.

I just find this interesting because I was just reading Lulu's recent post, where she spoke of her companion in spirit, Ben. Of course, it got me thinking back to Shiva/Spike, which is funny, because I was lying in bed the other night reminiscing about the meditations I used to have in his presence... listening to his music and spending time in my "astral home," watching him with a book in his lap. 

I've been somewhat expecting the whole guide thing to come back, but it hasn't yet. I do miss "the boys." I just... I don't know. It's hard to connect with "separation." I used to feel so passionate about Spike, and now, it feels so empty. It's not something I need, obviously. It's an old vibrational system. But it does make me wonder if an attraction to separation will return. 

Speaking of guides, yesterday's livestream session was interesting, but I'll save that for my art blog. 

In other news, I'm going shopping with my mom today. It's something that's been long overdue, because I need warm clothes. Shopping and I have a love/hate relationship. I love it because I love acquiring new clothes and fashions, but I hate it because I always have to keep money in mind. This makes me unwilling to go shopping at all. I'm hoping to find some decent stuff, though. 

I've also caught myself up on series 5 of Merlin. Can I just say one thing? JESUS CHRIST. I watched all the way up through the 9th episode, which I believe catches me up with folks in the UK. And maaaaan. So many feels. I'm not sure my heart can take much more of this. Gwen's role in this series was wonderfully irritating; to be honest, I don't like her as queen. Hahaha. I mean, she's a sweetheart and everything (when she's not controlled by Morgana), but I liked her better as a servant. Also - MORDRED. Sometimes I want to punch him in the face, and sometimes I want to cuddle him. Agh.

I should also mention that I'm very impressed by Colin's acting. I love Bradley's performance, too, but Colin really nails it. When I watch film/TV, my attention is fixed to the eyes. The eyes and the physical gestures... but mainly eyes, because they're so revealing. Colin really has embraced his character, even down to the tiniest movements and glances. I freaking adored his performance as the old woman/sorceress in episode nine. 

Anyway. Daily life aside, I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself and my future (I know, I know, bad Evaah...) That whole destiny number thing really opened my eyes, while simultaneously answering questions I've had for many months. While everyone knows me first and foremost as a visual artist, I'm actually being pushed and inspired more in the area of writing... both fiction and non-fiction (spirituality). I mentioned before that I was feeling iffy about art because of the pressure I feel to turn it into a career of sorts, but I realize part of that feeling stems from art being a secondary passion. 

When I'm gathering inspiration, it's for my writing. Rarely - if ever - is it for my art. Plus, my art as of late revolves around faces... portraits. Not counting schoolwork, of course. I just don't feel as motivated to work on my art. I feel the motivation for my writing, but when I think about art and having to learn anatomy, perspective, and all the things that make for good illustration, I feel a tug of resistance. I see it as work.

Of course, I did say that I would no longer see such things as "work." What I mean here is that compared to writing, art feels more like a chore. I don't feel like it's actually "me" or what I'm meant to be doing. I'm reminded of Tri's life purpose reading from a few months back. Should I remind myself which cards came up, and in what order?

1. Books
2. Flowers
3. Spiritual Teacher
4. Bodywork
5. Support
6. Talk to Your Angels

Very little about art. Creativity, yes. Creative inspiration (Flowers). I honestly don't think it's coincidence that the first three cards are based around writing, inspiring others, and spiritual teaching. It's something I've known at the root of my being for a while now. 

I can't picture myself in the future. I can imagine where I'd like to be, but it's hard to see myself there. Even though I'm still trying to work out this whole idea of manifestation, I'm still doing everything in my power as Creator to draw my ideal future to me. 

I'm not saying I'm going to give up on art. I'm sure art will help me on my path. I'm just saying that it's probably not going to be my main area of focus. It'll still be a passion, though.

There's a lot of thinking that needs to be done on this. A lot of research I need to do. But all in good time... for now, I'm going to enjoy a day of shopping with my mom, after which I will do whatever it is I feel like doing. I'm due to receive my Archeon deck today, so maybe I'll do the reading I owe someone on FB.

Evaah