Releasing the Old

"Bringer of the Dawn" - by Rassouli

New Year's Eve... 

Funny. It actually feels more like a "holiday" today - perhaps because I know an old chapter is ending, and a new one is beginning. I can feel new and eager energies around me; they might be my own, or they might be those of the collective. January is supposed to be a very powerful month for manifestation - and not just for me, since I mentioned in my 2014 overlook that it looked like my wishes would be fulfilled - but for the entire planet... especially with that supermoon tomorrow. A new moon, but a supermoon... A really strong opportunity for new chapters and fresh starts. I find that very appealing right now. 

Speaking of new starts, the last draw of Solstice Light reflects on how we can release the old and welcome in the new. I drew The Circle, which calls on a few themes I've already noted before in this reading: utilizing rituals, calling on spiritual guidance/energy, creating a sacred and safe environment, and setting boundaries. I feel the interpretation about utilizing rituals resonates most strongly; I'm already quite ritualistic by nature, and I think the only way I'll truly release the old is to create a ritual to do so: writing, art, some form of meditation, etc. 

I was actually planning on a meditation tonight or tomorrow night in order to focus on what I want to manifest. I guess I'll do a "releasing" meditation tonight and a manifestation one tomorrow. 

Gosh, I love fresh starts. I haven't been this eager for a new chapter in a long while. I thought I would long to stay where I'm at right now: sitting around the house doing nothing entirely important... but I'm actually really wanting to make progress. I'm wanting to figure out what I want and go for it. And to be honest, I think a lot of this desire has reawakened since meeting Lor. He's really made me feel more confident and enthusiastic.

But I have to admit... I'm actually a little nervous. I'm at a point where I'm actually unsure of what I really want to manifest - specifically career-wise. Well, I know what I want, but the tiny rational part of my mind thinks it won't happen, because it's too specific. Essentially, I want to work at a spiritual shop or center, and do my readings on the side until I have enough experience to simply do readings (unless I'm happy with doing both for a while). That's what I want for now, anyway. Who knows what I'll want a few years from now?

I also have other things I want as part of this package, with the most important being: I want to move closer to Lor, so that we could possibly see each other in person. The other things are just about the type of town or home I'm living in... something safe, relatively modern, and not exactly in the middle of nowhere. But if I find what I really want, then these things aren't all that important. 

So I'm a little doubtful. I don't want to be doubtful; however, I know how hard it is to work at a spiritual shop or center, because the little shops don't typically hire, and the centers probably require more experience. And I'm not sure how easy it would be to try and apply for one of these shops/centers in another state. 

I honestly don't know what else I could do to earn a solid income for myself, unless I rely completely on my creative/intuitive work, or sacrifice my happiness to work elsewhere until I finally get what I want. I know that's what most people end up doing, but even if I did gather up the mental strength and patience to do that, I'm still not sure what I would even choose to do. I don't want to go anywhere near retail (other than those new age shops), but what else would there be for someone like me, who doesn't really have much experience in anything? Perhaps I need to do some research...

Until then, though, I'll still be focusing all my energy on manifesting my dream scenario. 

Happy New Year's, and good luck to everyone in 2014! Enjoy the ride. 

Hogmanay

"Divine Grace" - by Rassouli

Because the Scottish term for New Year's Eve is much cooler. 

Damn. Wasn't it just New Year's Eve already? I can remember going downstairs trying to watch the peach or ball drop, but my parents were watching some other thing, and I missed it, and I kept thinking: "Jesus, it's 2012 - the year we've all been waiting for." 

And now it's gone... until you remember that we, as humans, put too much value in the concept of time.

2012 was probably the best year I've had yet (they seem to get better and better), full of interesting experiences, meetings, dreams, chats, and inspirations. I had a traditional "goal" list like I do every year, but when I dug it up the other day, I realized I had only completed about 5 items on it, and decided I wouldn't make goal lists anymore. I will just be, and accept all experiences as they come, continuing to work on my passions, working from the heart, with no regard to how people will respond or react. As astrologers keep saying, 2013 is the year for Pisces to really shine. I will ensure that I do.

The final draw - which concludes the Sacred Days of Yule - is for Hogmanay, or New Year's Eve, and represents the best way to release the old and bring in the new. I picked Three of Earth - Plant Life, which is a sweet little "ending" card because it's all about blooming... blooming with beauty, with new life, with new creativity and abundance. Seems to be a common theme with my cards/readings these days. It's true, though... I feel like I have the potential to really be something, but I have all these factors holding me back (mainly family). So 2013 will be a year of blooming for me. I'll make sure of that. Traditionally, though, this card is about working together with people to produce something wonderful, but I don't get that from this card at all, so I'm ditching that interpretation.

(Jeez. At this rate, I really will get my Druid Craft deck after my brother leaves. Still out of stock... hm.)

I had another intensely productive world-building day yesterday, thanks to my parents & brother going to see Django. I'm at 12,600 words, or 31 pages of how society, magic, government, customs, etc., work in this world. At first, it was a bit painful, because I just want to get to the story already, and I found myself thinking too hard - not letting it flow. But now that I'm 12,600 words in, I'm finding the world really coming together, which means it'll be a lot easier to describe when I actually begin writing the first draft. I'm excited.

But I still don't know whether it's worth it - or wise - to post information about this story on the internet for all to see. I wrote a thread asking about this on the dA forum yesterday, but no one has bothered to respond. So now I'm not sure who to ask other than actual artist-writers who do this, and most of them are busy and popular which means they have lots of questions coming in daily. Hmm. 

That brings me to my next thought: I really want to try this drawing-a-day challenge. I wanted a blog to keep track of this stuff, but I encountered the problem of: do I make it under P.R.? Do I relate it to my personal projects? Or must I will myself to draw things completely unrelated to my projects? 

I was thinking that I could be very discreet about it, and instead of saying "this is so-and-so character from this story," I could just say: "character from personal project." That way, I can acquire interested peeps, but not reveal too much about the story that would either A.) affect publishing outcomes or B.) be stolen by thieves. Because I'm much more interested in producing art for my writing than I am in producing art for other reasons (not that I would be disinclined, but I do favor the art that goes into visually describing a world). 

We'll see, I guess. I need to make a quick decision, though, what with tomorrow being the first day.

In other news, I finally caved and downloaded Guild Wars 2 to try, at my brother's ceaseless insistence. He does have a point - there's no harm in trying. Plus, from what I've seen, GW2 may provide plenty of inspiration for my personal writing, especially for Winterspell. So in some ways, I'm kind of hoping I do enjoy it, or can at least work up to enjoying it; that way, when I hit a block, I'll have new, fresh material to assist me. I did try GW before, and didn't care much for it, but according to my brother, GW2 is a totally different - and vastly improved - experience. I guess I'll see when he wakes up in a few hours. 

Like last year, I'm not doing anything special for NYE. It's traditional for me (and brother) to have a shrimp ring to eat this day (don't ask) and to have some bubbles (for me, sparkling blueberry juice, for brother, champagne). But other than that, nothing special. 

Well... it seems that's that. I got a lot accomplished this year, and hope to accomplish even more for 2013. 

Happy New Year!