Yuletide

"Joy of Union" - by Rassouli

And without a moment's glance, "Christmas" is now over. 

It rained practically the whole day yesterday, blowing in another cold front, so now it's all cold and windy today. Good thing I have nowhere to be.

Having BB over was nice. We pretty much only talked for a few hours after our late lunch before she had to leave at 6. But as I expected, she came bearing gifts: a beautiful box filled with all sorts of accessories and trinkets for me, and some homey-type things for my parents, such as dish towels and tea. I was therefore empty-handed (and pissed), but I did send her away with some of my sweets, so it wasn't all bad. 

The only thing that ruffled my feathers was my dad asking how school was going for her, which led to the whole conversation about me not wanting to go to school, and BB's awkward inquiry of what I wanted to do in life (I never told her; only my brother truly knows). It then led to a whole spiel from my dad about how I should take up a job for "perspective" and how I'm lucky to be attending a school that would help me get a decent job and I was just so freaking irritated, trying to keep my cool, trying to play it off and change the subject.

I'm fighting like hell to maintain my optimism, my idealism. I don't want to live in a world where I have to pay to be able to live on it - where I have to basically be a slave to a grand system of greed. Why has no one tried to change anything? Can we not recognize the power we have as a collective? There are billions of people on this planet, yet everyone keeps their heads down, shuffling along like little sheep because they think, "We can't do anything, someone else will do it, nothing will change, it's the only way."

Pah.

Anyway... today's draw is for Yuletide, which focuses on how one can express her protective energy and/or attend to her family. The card that popped out for me was Mabon, which traditionally reflects the harvest. My own impressions - aside from "harvest" - are that of receiving "assistance" from another, or connecting to someone who has wisdom and guidance to offer. But the standard card meaning reflects weighing the consequences of a decision. Hmm... that kind of makes sense. Will have to stew on this one.

Speaking of cards, my Druid Craft deck is still out of stock, so I'm not quite sure when to expect it. I suppose they're taking their time because it's a less-popular deck. No idea. I guess I'm not in a hurry, though, especially since my brother is here... he'd be all nosy about it. 

I sat down with Lucifer instead of Leon to ask about this friendship problem because I decided to use my Fallen Angel oracle instead... haven't used it in a while. I pretty much asked for 3 cards to help me decide what I should do about this situation.  

Initially, I had my own idea about it: that I should let go. After all, this snippet had found its way to me a week ago or so:

Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.

But Luci had a different answer. He provided me with Amdusias, Orobas, and Gomory, whose keywords are harmony, honesty, and love. Amdusias is all about peace and friendship - gathering people of like minds. Orobas, about avoiding devious means of belittling others or guilty secrets. And Gomory... about romance or the renewal of existing love. 

Well, damn. Of course, the ego-based me wants to run and hide. It's sick of this. But "true" me doesn't want to let go. Quite the predicament... though it seems I have my answer. At least for now.

I finally received a brief annual reading from a member at SF. I had done my own annual reading last month, but wanted to see how this person's would compare. It wasn't a lot of detail, but the things this person mentioned pretty much gave me specifics to my own reading, which was nice. Now to just wait and see how it all plays out...

Here's another glimpse into the Winterspell world, with TSFH's "Identity Crime":

    

Regression

"Plume" - by thienbao @ deviantART

Lucifer is bombarding me.
I feel like his name was just set on repeat in my head all night long, and then I get up and see all these Lucifer references as I go through my usual routine.

But not only that - I stumble upon this one illustration on tumblr that kind of stops me in my tracks for a moment: a man standing with a tame black dragon.

I feel like... I'm regressing. Lately, things have been pushing me toward my past, and I'm not sure why. Pierre has been most prominent, and then for one reason or another, Spike was referenced too. I just keep thinking back to everything that happened over the past two and a half years, like someone's pointing me in that direction. I'm not sure if I want to go down that road, though, because what would be the point? Everyone always emphasizes how important it is not to live in the past (or the future, for that matter), so why would I be nudged that way? So I can find more "answers"? 

I do want answers. But what frustrates me is that I already have most of them (I would still like to know why "Spike" was revealed to be "Shiva"). I keep thinking: "Why did all that happen?" Everything with Eron, with Pierre and Spike and Shiva, with Lulu, and so on... but the answer is obvious: to get me where I am today. If one of those events didn't happen, I would not be at the moment I am right now. Every little thing lined up the way it did to bring me to the present. 

Now the big question is: did I attract that, or was that part of the pre-programming? 

I'm going to compare my view with Lulu's for a moment (Lulu, love, don't feel the need to defend yourself, haha)... Lulu doesn't resonate with "pre-programming." I can understand that. But the thing is, if it's not pre-programmed to some degree, then what is it? All created by us? Did I, at some point, decide I would attract a dream of Eron? Did I decide, at some point, to attract Pierre or a guide who was a "SC" and a Hindu deity in disguise? 

I just realized something here. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be trying to "figure things out." That's just my nature. I like to explore. This only emphasizes the lack of ultimate truth. When I consider that, it makes some aspects of spirituality seem completely pointless (notice I say SOME aspects, meaning the ones where you sit around and contemplate life). For however long, I'm going to be finding answers that resonate with me at a specific time. 

Now contemplate that for a second. If my truth is changing, that suggests my vibration is changing. My vibration represents this particular face of myself and all the characteristics associated with it. If my vibration is changing, it's most likely getting higher. My vibration changes depending on decisions that I make. If I choose to feel happy, it increases. If I choose to follow a path of love and peace, it increases. 

You know what's been slammed in my face several times, along with Lucifer? One short but powerful phrase: "everything is connected."

Okay, but what does that mean exactly? Yeah, I already get that everything is connected, but to what degree? Universally? Yes, that's what I think, too. But that doesn't explain HOW. 

This is where I use nature as an example. I was thinking about this yesterday, because I realized how appropriate it was for people to get dry skin in autumn/winter (representing "shedding baggage"). Nature does what it does. It's been like this for billions of years. Everything is perfect and pristine with nature. Four seasons. Storms to clear out leaves in autumn, bees to pollinate flowers in spring, a food chain that keeps everything in balance, and so forth. Nature is the perfect example of balance, not counting human interference. Things are stable for a while, and then change is brought in to keep things evolving. Storms wipe out a coastline. Volcanoes erupt. Et cetera. 

But at the same time, everything comes in cycles, yet everything always returns to the beginning before starting anew. Being part of nature, would the same apply to us? It's funny, because several weeks ago, I said that I didn't resonate with the idea of coming full circle, but would be open to the idea. Now, I'm beginning to open to the idea, because I'm beginning to see all the details. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm regressing - so I can observe such details. 

Now, this whole bloody ghost thing. Okay. I get it. I don't have experience in this area, so I obviously can't relate. Luci is probing my brains with this one though, because he's referring to the "universal force" theory I have yet to elaborate on at VotS, and also referring to Cas from Supernatural, who says in an episode:

"Pardon me, but I have spent the last 'year' as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent."

That's almost exactly how Luci describes the forces we know as deities, gods, goddesses, spirits, angels, and demons. Energy with intent. So is he suggesting that ghosts fall under the same category? I mean, when I think about it, it makes sense. Ghosts... manifestations with intent. They usually have a 'reason' for sticking around. What's interesting is that the word "ghost" comes from Germanic roots meaning "fury, anger." In popular culture, "angry ghosts" are fairly common. And when you consider the history of ghosts throughout the ages, it's kind of fascinating:

• Egyptians believed they were able to inflict misfortune and illness on the living
• Early Greeks merely saw them as vaporous - and that they could give advice/prophecy; later, however, they were seen as frightening and both good/evil
• Romans believed ghosts could exact revenge on enemies
• In medieval Europe, ghosts were either souls of the dead or demons (figures); the former were believed to be in purgatory to atone for certain sins
• Renaissance/Romanticism era led to certain beliefs such as ghosts stemming from the grief of the living

What I find interesting is that throughout most of history, ghosts were seen as evil, violent, or in distress. Somehow, I'm not surprised. But you know, I can only speak for myself. Since this post is getting long, I'll just elaborate on it on VotS. Plus, at this point, I just feel like I'm trying to prove someone wrong, and I don't want that.

I have a lovely, relaxing Sunday to enjoy now.

Evaah  

Focalor and Hesperus

by Stanisław Wyspiański

I was quite intrigued to find a deviation titled "Focalor" in my inbox today. 

I have never, ever seen any of the 400+ artists I watch post work carrying names of more obscure demons. But it just so happens that with the rise of the manga Magi, the character Focalor is starting to pop up on dA and tumblr. 

I already knew from past research that Focalor is an anagram associated with Lucifuge Rofocale. They say that Lucifuge was a "character" modeled after Lucifer - kind of like his dark counterpart (since Lucifer = "light bringer" and Lucifuge = "to flee the light"). But I did a bit of research just now and discovered that once again, there's a Greek equivalent to these names. Lucifer is obviously the Latin version. But the Greek version?

Phosphorus (or Eosphorus).
But not only that - the Greeks had a dark counterpart for Phosphorus ("Morning Star"), too: his brother, Hesperus, or "Evening Star."

I find this incredibly fascinating. Christianity "borrowed" a lot of terminology from Greeks, but it's so interesting to see the connections here... or the plain old theft. Lol. I just wonder now - what led Christians to associate a light-bringer with the downfall of man? I haven't read the Bible, of course (I can't get past the first couple pages of Genesis), and I know that everyone and their mother keeps emphasizing that Lucifer was never related to Satan in the Bible, but someone somewhere at sometime decided to relate the two, which has led to a buttload of misinterpretation. 

Gah. I wish I knew the truth behind what really happened over the past few thousand years. 

The point of this post is that I think Lucy is shedding some more light (no pun intended) on all this angel-demon stuff. It's obvious his presence is still around (if I can call it a presence). But if the original Lucifer is actually Phosphorus, that means he's only a personification of Venus. So how the hell did he become a freaking archangel?

I do love the symbolism of the Greek myth, though. According to theoi.com, Phosphorus and Hesperus were later combined into a single star god/personification... because they both represented Venus, just at different times of the day. I like that balance. And it lines up with what Lucifer has been communicating to me about what he represents. 

History, man. It's freaking fascinating. 
Now I'm going to go meditate with Lucy again. I could use some stress relief after spending the whole day doing storyboards and math homework.

Finny  

The Light Bringer

"The Angel" - by heise @ deviantART

Well, I'm not happy, but I finally understand why Lucifer's popped up...

• Represents wisdom through self-exploration.
• Lucifer represents rejection of accepted “truths” to instead explore possibilities.  
• Symbolizes rebellion with a purpose; knowledge, wisdom, and power.
• Represents balance spiritually and physically, that Light and Darkness are equally important to the mental and physical health of individual. 
• Represents self-deification with earned compassion and the value of loved ones.  
• Lucifer in essence is in us all, Lucifer (Latin: light bringer) is the fire, the power of spirit, and the knowledge of self one can tap into through learning and embracing self honesty. Once this is accomplished, your aura will light up, making you feel bliss and joy. 
• Lucifer is the spirit of motivation and self empowerment, it is the very definition of human perfection, the true philosophical ideal. The illuminated mind.  
• Lucifer is the bravery you require to stand alone or outnumbered, the character you need to persevere in society, and the bliss you are entitled to feel on this earth. 
• Lucifer is the unalienable right to think different, and propose new fresh ideas to challenge the old ones, thus bringing betterment to man, bringing thus closer to godhood.  
• Lucifer is the seed of inspiration that leads to great works of art, classical and contemporary. 
• Lucifer is the being that inspires men to say "no" when everyone says "yes", and "yes" when everyone says "no".  
• Lucifer represents respect for the nature of the animal, and nature of the divine being. 
• Lucifer symbolizes the beauty of uniting the masculine and feminine energies in oneself.  
• Lucifer represents self sacrifice for one's ideas. 

I may not be huge on angels, but I have to admit that Lucifer was always the one I was most drawn to... probably for all the things listed. And by Adonai - his presence in my life right now is freaking perfect timing. I could really use his guidance, because I feel shattered and powerless. I'm brimming with doubt. Everything I've been working toward has fallen to pieces, and now I wonder if I even have anything to contribute anymore. Of course my stubborn nature wants to prove my parents wrong. I want to rebel against their stiff advice to prove that we CAN live by following our dreams. 

But I don't have the energy anymore. I don't want to sit through this battle of realism versus idealism. When I look at my skills, I realize that I'm not as fabulous as numerous others are, and it fills me with doubt. I want to write, but I never finish anything because I'm afraid it's unoriginal. My drawing skills are average. And even though I've had many successes with spirit art, I can't guarantee that I'll have what people are looking for. Hell, I can't even give much detail (except for aura-related stuff). 

At least I have my favorite sushi rolls to make the day a little brighter. 

Come on, Lucy. I need your help. 

*Edit - I log on to dA and what's in my inbox? A piece titled "The Fall of Lucifer."
Thanks, Lucy. 

*Edit 2 - Watching a Supernatural gag reel with views at 111,444. Hell yeah.

Finny